Tourniquet
by Digidestend Angel
Summary: "I Tried To Kill The Pain, But Only Brought More" Beck has a relapse with cutting, while Cat keeps her hypoglycemia from him. Beck finds himself in Lane's office after everything falls apart. What can Lane do to help? *BeckXCat* *COMPLETED*
1. Am I Too Lost To Be Saved?

**Tourniquet**

_**Digidestend Angel**_

**Summary: "**I Tried To Kill The Pain, But Only Brought More" Beck has a relapse with cutting, while Cat keeps her hypoglycemia from him. Beck finds himself in Lane's office after everything falls apart. What can Lane do to help?

**I do NOT own Victorious or Evanescence's lyrics**

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**Chapter One**

**Am I Too Lost To Be Saved?**

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_**Long lost words whisper slowly to me  
Still can't find what keeps me here  
When all this time I've been so hollow inside  
I know you're still there – Haunted**_

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_He feels her small hand suddenly on his shoulder and grips him harshly. He hisses at the pain as he turns back. "Damn, Cat, that hurts- Cat?" When she collapses against him, he immediately grabs her in his arms before she falls to the floor. "Cat! Cat, baby? No, no, Cat, wake up!" He looks up at the student behind them, who stares in shock. "Call for an ambulance, please!" He begs in tears. The student does so and he looks back down at Cat, who stares weakly at him. "Oh, my girl, what's wrong?" He asks her in desperation, cradling her tightly in his strong, protective hold. _

_She puts a hand softly on his cheek. "Beck, I'm so sorry I kept this from you." She whispers._

"_Babe, what did you keep from me?" He asks, his voice cracking. _

"_I have hypoglycemia." She tells him. "I haven't been taking care of myself ever since I found out."_

"_What? Why?" He asks, tears falling from his eyes._

"_I don't care about me, Beck." She uses her hands to wipe his tears away as everyone is fretting around them in the cafeteria. "I've been so worried about you, I just wanted to make sure you had all of my attention."_

_Beck shakes his head. "No! Cat, you should've told me! I would've taken care of you!"_

"_Beck, you needed me more than I needed you." She whispers up at him. "I love you."_

"_I love you too." Beck presses his forehead against hers. "I love you more than anything else in the world." _

"_That's why I didn't tell you." Cat smiles. "I know that I mean everything to you. You would've been so scared and stressed constantly, which could've caused you to cut. I don't want you cutting anymore. I want you safe and healthy."_

_Beck sobs. "Cat."_

_Cat's eyes slowly close. _

"_No…" Beck gulps as he shakes her a little. "Cat, baby, Cat, stay with me!" As she goes unconscious, he leans his head down on her chest and hears no heartbeat or feels her breathing. "No! No, please, NO!" He sobs violently, holding her limp body close to him. "Please, don't die!" He pleads. "I need you!" He screams suddenly, startling everyone around him. "CAT!"_

"Beck."

Beck's head snapped up from his hands as he was sitting outside of Lane's office in the hallway. He saw Lane standing in the doorway to his room. "Sorry." He said in a distracted tone, his mind obviously elsewhere. He didn't even look like his old self. He was a bit paled from his usual tanned skin color, his hair a bit greasy and untreated, and his body thinner and unhealthy looking. The bags under his eyes showed how much he couldn't sleep at night. The long sleeves over his arms looked like it caused him pain every time he moved his right arm.

Lane nodded. "Don't apologize. You're under a lot of stress."

"That's an understatement." Beck muttered as he stood up.

Lane let Beck enter his office and closed the door after. He locked it so no one could interrupt them, since this was a serious session. Lane leaned against his desk with his hands in his pockets. Beck automatically took a seat on the couch, going back to his position he was in the hallway. He leaned over as his elbows rested on his knees and his hands lazily out. Lane stared at the 16 year old with intensity. Beck didn't move. He didn't know what to say or where to start.

Lane sighed. "How's Cat today?"

"She's showing progress." Beck's raspy voice answered, not looking to Lane. His eyes were staring at the wall before him across the room with interest. "The hospital still won't release her. They want to make sure she's completely healthy to leave before coming home. She's still on those oxygen tubes that are in her nose, so I'm guessing it will be a few more days."

"How are you feeling about being here right now?" Lane asked him.

"Bad." Beck said, trembling. "I want to be back with Cat."

"I know you do." Lane said. "You haven't left her side."

"Not since…what happened…in the cafeteria, I haven't left her." Beck bit his lip. "But…except one time. A few days ago. I left her side while she was sleeping."

"You went home." Lane said, sounding like he already knew.

"Yeah." Beck gulped. "I…I couldn't take the stress anymore."

"You did what you knew what to do to take the stress away, right?" Lane asked.

"Yes." Beck nodded. He suddenly looked uncomfortable as he sat up straight. "I don't want to talk about this. Can I go? I hate being away from Cat for too long. She needs me there."

"Cat will be fine for a few hours. She's in good care of the best doctors and nurses. Andre, Jade, Tori, and Robbie are with her right now as well. They're making sure she's okay. If anything goes wrong, you will be the first one everyone will call." Lane told him to reassure him. "Beck, Cat will feel much better as she knows you're talking to me right now. That's what she wanted, right?"

Beck nodded timidly, rubbing his sweaty palms over his jeans in nervousness and anxiety.

"Then let's make Cat happy." Lane said, knowing Beck wanted nothing more than to see Cat relieved and smiling, being proud of him. "Talk to me."

Beck nodded again. "When I was younger –like 13- I was always frustrated and hurt when my parents argued about everything. I hated it. I always blamed myself, I don't know why. I had a classmate tell me that the way they get rid of stress is by hurting themselves. He burned himself with a lighter."

"So he pretty much told you that self-mutilating your body would help you with your anger?" Lane asked.

Beck nodded once again. "At first, I thought he was crazy."

"What changed your mind?"

"One day, my father walked out on us and went to a hotel for a few days. My mother was a complete mess." Beck explained. "I didn't want to burn myself. I didn't know what to do. I looked up online to see what I could do. And I saw…it."

"What'd you see, Beck?"

"An article on how **cutting** makes the pain go away." Beck whispered, but Lane heard him. "It gave a list of ways to cut. I chose the razor blade. I broke it off my dad's razor blade he used to shave his facial hair."

"How did it feel afterwards?"

"So good." Beck admitted, looking embarrassed of his actions. "I had control of something."

"How did Cat find out?"

Suddenly, Beck looked to his feet. "She caught me."

"How'd she react?"

"She was absolutely hysterical. At first, she was scared of the blood, but she surprised me when she grabbed my arm and put it under the faucet to wash the blood off." Beck remembered. "After she bandaged my arm and she started crying, I promised her I'd never do it again because it scared her. I never wanted her scared. She was my best friend. I protected her and still do even now, since she's my girlfriend. To see her afraid of something makes my blood boil…when it's me scaring her, I'd stop whatever I'm doing."

"Why did you have a relapse last month?"

"My dad took a swing at me." Beck muttered. "He almost dislocated my jaw. I was so angry and scared, so I took out my old razor blade and practically ruined my arm." He took his shirt sleeve and raised it up until he reached his mid-upper arm. Faded white lines of healed, but scarred cuts covered his inner arm. "I fell asleep after because, believe it or not, cutting takes a lot out of you. I woke up to Cat sobbing. She saw the cuts."

"What did you do?"

"I explained everything to her. She, again, understood, but was so frightened."

"What happened after?"

"She moved in with me –in my RV- after explaining the situation to her parents and my mom." Beck told him. "This whole month, she has cared for me and loved on me. She comforted me and never let me out of her sight."

"You didn't notice her health problems?"

"No." Tears brimmed Beck's eyes suddenly. "I didn't. She hid her symptoms so well. I thought she was eating alright. I didn't know how much stress and sadness she was always feeling because of me. I never knew about her hypoglycemia. And because of her not taking care of it as she should've, her body gave out on her. Now she's in the hospital because of me."

"Does she know you cut recently?"

"Yes." Beck sobbed. "She saw right through me, no matter how hard I tried to hide it from her. She knows me so well. She knows me better than I know my own self. The second I entered her hospital room, she knew and had a panic attack. The stress was too much. I hurt her so bad that day. Now she's still in the hospital under intensive care. It's my entire fault. If I hadn't cut, she'd be okay today. She probably would be home with me. I would be taking care of her, like I should've all along."

"Cat means a lot to you, doesn't she?" Lane asked him, leaning down at Beck's level.

Beck nodded. "She's my whole world."

"Beck, let's start at the beginning. I want to go through every detail."

"Why?"

"This will make you see what's going on and how you can fix this and make it better." Lane explained, turning to his desk, getting a pen and notepad out. "I'm going to write down almost every word you say and then afterwards, I want you go to the hospital and reread it out loud with Cat. You both will heal. Trust me on this. This may make not make sense now, but you watch. After talking with Cat about what will be written on these papers will cause you not to cut or her to worry ever again."

Beck finally looked Lane in the eyes. "You…you promise?"

Lane nodded. "You have my word."

Beck sighed and gave in. "Okay."

"Let's go back to the beginning." Lane repeated, having the pen and notepad ready. "Let's go back to the day you first cut."

Beck nodded. "Alright." He closed his eyes. "Well…"

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**I changed the title from "A Slice Of Life" to "Tourniquet". I decided to give this story another try. Hopefully I fixed it enough for my story not to get so bashed as it was before. Can you guys go a bit easy on me? Lol. I've been on this site for a while, so I know what I'm doing.**

**-D-A-**


	2. I Tried To Kill The Pain

**Tourniquet**

_**Digidestend Angel**_

**I do NOT own Victorious or the Evanescence's lyrics**

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**Chapter Two**

**I Tried To Kill The Pain**

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_**Just once in my life,  
I think it'd be nice,  
Just to lose control, just once. – Lose Control**_

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"Let's go back to the beginning." Lane repeated, having the pen and notepad ready. "Let's go back to the day you first cut."

Beck nodded. "Alright." He closed his eyes. "Well…I remember the first day of 8th grade. I had just returned from England with Cat and her family and we took a trip with to visit her relatives and to watch her mom do a few fashion shows. It was one of the best summers of my life. The best part was getting away from…home. My parents had been fighting non-stop all year, so when Cat's family invited me on the trip, I immediately said yes. I couldn't wait to get out of there."

"How was home life when you came back from England?" Lane asked, writing down things.

"Weird. Quiet." Beck recalled in deep thought. "My dad didn't say a word to me. My mom simply told me that she already went school shopping for me so we didn't have to go last minute. The next day was school, so I shrugged the awkward atmosphere off." He smiled. "Cat's mom gave the two of us a ride to school. She was so nice and gave us encouraging words. She also said that she wanted me to keep her babygirl safe. Cat's everything to her."

"Back then, was she everything to you?"

"Always." Beck said in honesty. "We met when we were so little and even back then, I wanted to always see her smiling because she made me smile and happy. She was my brown haired angel. Still is, even though she now has red-velvet hair."

"How did the first day of school go?"

"It was less intimidating than it was in 7th grade." Beck chuckled lightly. "I stuck by Cat most of the day. She was such a social butterfly. Everyone was her friend. I was there to make sure no one took advantage of Cat's kindness."

"You and Cat never separated all day?"

Beck bit his lip. "Um…we did. Physical Education."

"Right." Lane nodded. "Is that where you met…"

"Jack." Beck answered. "He and I were assigned to share lockers for gym. I saw burn marks on his arms. He noticed me staring and at first was ticked. He thought the scars disgusted me, but I told him that it was his business and I didn't care. After that, I did keep thinking about it. That night, I went home eventually after doing homework at Cat's house and eating dinner with her family. My parents were in a full on war of arguing. I went in the house unnoticed and sat on the staircase, just listening to them. They never mentioned my name in the argument, but when my dad said he was going to a hotel and left…and my mom was screaming and crying, breaking things in the kitchen…I blamed myself."

"Why?"

"I don't know." Beck shrugged. "I have no idea why I did. I just had so much hatred and anger towards myself instead of my parents."

Lane sighed. "Did you tell Cat?"

"I was going to, but Cat was in such a good mood the next morning, I couldn't ruin it. I planned on telling her that night though." Beck rubbed his lips together. "I was a wreck all day though. I tried to keep strong for Cat, but she was getting worried sick about me. I didn't want to breakdown at school, so I compromised with her. I told her I'd tell her everything that was wrong when we went to her house. She agreed, but still was worried. After that, I felt so disgusted with myself again. I was hurting her, in a way. I want her happy, but Cat wants me to be happy too."

"And you weren't happy…so she wasn't happy."

"She didn't smile that whole day." Beck frowned. "I was feeling worse and worse as the day went by. Finally, Cat and I had to separate again for PE. My locker mate, Jack, noticed my change in mood. He pulled me aside after class. I told him I had to meet up with Cat because we were going to walk home that day. I never liked her alone too long, so I told him to make whatever he had to say quick. He showed me the burn marks again…"

"I see…"

"Yeah…"

"What'd he say to you, Beck?"

Beck closed his eyes.

_Beck cringed as he backed away. "Dude, why are you showing me those?"_

_Jack, the tall, blonde haired boy with glasses frowned. "You're going through problems, aren't you? I can tell."_

"_It's none of your business!" _

"_It's not, I know." Jack told him calmly. "But…I want you to know what you can do to get rid of the pain."_

"_And showing me those marks mean…?"_

"_I burn myself."_

"_Huh?" Beck was confused. "Why? Doesn't that hurt?"_

"_Yeah." Jack answered, staring at his arms. "It hurts so bad, but it feels so good."_

_Beck blinked. "Excuse me?"_

"_Beck, my dad abuses me." Jack admitted. "I'm okay telling you this, because you're a loyal guy. I can see that. You won't tell."_

"_No, I guess I won't." Beck shook his head. "I ask again, why are you telling me this?"_

"_To get rid of the pain of my father's beatings and insults…I burn myself with a lighter." Jack told him in a serious tone. "It helps so much to get rid of the pain he gives me. It's feeling like you can have something to yourself to control. It's something he can't take away from me. This is something that is all mine and no one else can stop me."_

"_WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?" Beck snapped, losing his cool. He didn't want to hear anymore._

"_BECAUSE I am trying to help you!" Jack shouted back. _

"_By telling me that burning myself will make me feel better?" Beck looked disgusted. "No, no, no! NO WAY!"_

"_Try it tonight. When you're sad or stressed, just try it ONCE!" Jack told him. "You'll feel better."  
_

_Beck ran away from him. _

_He left the school doors and ran down the steps to meet up with his best friend. He wasn't paying attention very well. He was distracted. He couldn't burn himself? He couldn't possibly! That would hurt and ruin his skin. He met up with Cat and gave her a forced smile. _

_She saw right through that smile._

_Cat leaned her head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they began walking home. "Beck, what's wrong?"_

"_Nothing." Beck shook his head. _

_Cat looked taken aback as she made him release her. "What do you mean "nothing"? You said we would talk about what was wrong after school. You're worrying me."_

"_Why?" Beck sounded harsh. _

"_You're my best friend." She mumbled, fiddling with her fingers. "We tell each other everything." _

"_Maybe there are some things that need to stay unspoken." Beck grumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets. _

_Cat gasped and stopped walking, making him stop and turn back at her. "But…but we promised to never keep secrets." _

"_I have to have SOMETHING to myself!" Beck shouted, startling Cat and making her back away. He realized he had lost control of his emotions and scared her. "Cat…"_

_Cat burst into tears and ran passed him towards her house, sobbing as she did. _

_He would've run after her, but he knew she needed a few hours to regain herself. When she cried, she was always hysterical. _

"So I'm assuming you went home after that?" Lane asked as Beck left his flashback.

Beck nodded. "Yeah. I came home and I saw that my mom was home, but my dad's car was still gone. I walked in and I was horrified. My mom was throwing my dad's clothes and stuff off the staircase and onto the first floor of our house. She was mad and sobbing. She was swearing and cursing my dad out, calling him the most horrible names I've ever heard."

"Did she know you were there?"

Beck shrugged. "I have no clue. When I realized what she was doing, I ran upstairs, passed her, and locked myself in my room. She didn't come after me. I was feeling so alone and overwhelmed. My dad left, my mom was losing her mind, and my best friend…well, I hurt her feelings and I made her cry, which hurt the most out of everything."

"Because Cat's everything to you?"

"Bingo." Beck sighed. "I thought about what Jack said. I tried not to, but I did."

"Did you burn yourself?"

"No, I was too scared to…not to mention, I didn't exactly have a lighter. I tried to do homework, but I heard my dad come home. I walked to the staircase again and he and my mom were screaming at each other by the front door. My mom started throwing his clothes and stuff at him. That's all I wanted to see and hear. I ran back to my room, locked the door, and…I fell."

"You fell?"

"I fell." Beck mumbled. "A few months before, Cat and I made paper people on the floor of my room just for fun. I guess I left the scissors on the ground."

"Oh." Lane's eyes widened.

"I cut my arm. It wasn't deep, but it hurt." Beck shivered. "It freaked me out, but the pain kind of overtook me. Suddenly, I didn't think about my parents or Cat."

"All you felt was the pain."

"Yeah."

"Did you do it again?"

"Yeah. I picked up the scissors and ran the sharp edges down my arm a few more times. I felt disgusted, but those cuts were all I could think about." Beck sighed. "I was freaked out. I didn't know what was happening. I went on my computer and looked up "Why People Cut" because I wanted to know why I was feeling so much better after I cut my arms. The website went down a list of reasons why. I had most of those reasons."

"Did you tell Cat?"

"Not a chance in hell." Beck automatically answered. "She did suspect something when she saw me at school the next day. It was still 80 degree weather and I was wearing a long sleeve shirt. She tried to ask, but I told her I just wasn't thinking when I put on some clothes this morning."

"Beck…when did Cat find out?"

Beck closed his eyes again, biting his lip.

_It was a week after the first cut and now it became addicting to Beck. It was all he could think about. He would feel under his sleeves onto the cuts just to remember they're there. He was always thinking about going home and cutting again. When he did cut, he felt better, but disgusted and guilty. _

_Finally, one day at school, he couldn't take it._

_He walked in to the janitor's closet, dropping his backpack. He saw no one in there. _

_He unzipped the front pocket of his backpack and saw a small, but sharp razor blade. _

_He had cut off the blade from his dad's razors. _

_He put it to his arm and sliced…and sliced again…and again…_

_And…_

_The door opened…_

Beck had tears suddenly. "Oh god…"

Lane gave him a sympathetic look. "Beck…who opened the door?"

"Cat."

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**Whisperitonce, CubeFistMan, MushuThePowerful, thatrandomgirl, ec4lewis, VictoriousForever10, chipy8910, MissMadonna24, Glittergirl123, CourtsxBatFan, Gothic Guitars and Silver Rose, AODiva1978, BeriisVictorious, and BooTheUnicorn: **Thanks for the reviews and encouraging words :) I hope to continue to love it. I'm trying to make it as popular and good as "12 Sessions With Caterina". That story had 30 reviews each chapter, lol. We'll see, right?


	3. But Only Brought More

**Tourniquet**

_**Digidestend Angel**_

**I do NOT own Victorious**

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**Chapter Three**

**But Only Brought More**

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_**I'm frightened by what I see  
But somehow I know  
That there's much more to come  
Immobilized by my fear – Whisper**_

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Beck gulped. "Cat…Cat was the one who came in."

"Why?"

"She…she…she saw me practically run in there, looking…frustrated. She wanted to check on me. So she went in…and…" Beck shook his head and sat up straight. "I can't talk about this anymore. It's too much. I don't want to remember seeing her face at that moment in time. She was heartbroken and…" Beck trailed off.

"Beck."

"What?"

Lane stared at the wild haired boy. "You promised Cat you talk about this."

Beck sighed deeply. "Yeah…yeah, I know I did."

"Beck, what happened when Cat saw you?"

_Beck's head snapped up with the bloody razor frozen on his already bloody arm that was out in front of him. When he saw her angelic face filled with horror, he dropped the razor and immediately tried to calm her down._

_He shook his head. "Cat, please, don't be angry with me!" He pleaded._

_Cat shut the door behind her when she came in and leaned against it. She put her hands to her mouth and was trying to control her breathing. Beck stayed quiet, letting her get her breathing regular again. _

_When she calmed down, she immediately walked to the sink that was in the room and forcefully turned it on. She grabbed Beck's arm and yanked him over and put his arm under the freezing, cold water. Beck hissed in pain, but stayed where he was being held. Cat spent the next 10 minutes cleaning his arm and stopping the bleeding. When she turned the water off, she went to the shelf and found a first aid kit. _

"_Sit down." She ordered softly, but firmly._

_Beck nodded and sat down on the floor. Cat kneeled down in the front of him and opened the kit. She rubbed the disinfectant cream on his arms with her soft hands with a gentle touch. No matter what though, it still hurt him and it stung. He hissed in pain again, but bit his lip till it bled so he wouldn't cry out in pain. _

_Cat showed no sign of apologizing. _

_Soon, when she felt his cuts were safe from being infected, she took out the gauzes and bandages. It took some time and effort, but she eventually had his arm bandaged. Quickly, she dabbed his bleeding lip and cleaned that._

_When her bloody hands went limp on her lap, Beck held his arm close to his chest, since it was still painful to even move. _

_Cat sniffled and he saw tears running down her cheeks. She was staring at her blood stained hands. He figured that's what traumatized her most is seeing her best friend's blood on her hands._

"_Cat." Beck said simply. _

_Cat didn't acknowledge it as she forced herself to her feet and walked to the bloody sink. She took the time to wash the blood off her hands and cleaned the sink. When she turned the water off, she dried her hands and then gripped the sink's edges. _

_Beck heard her soft sobs. _

"_I…I won't do it again." Beck said, still on his place on the dirty ground. _

_Cat let out a louder sob as she turned to him and flung herself in his arms. He ignored his pain on his arm as he wrapped her in a protective embrace. He kissed her head as he rocked her back and forth, holding her in his lap. _

"_Never again, babygirl." Tears left his eyes too. "I won't do this ever again."_

"I promised never to cut again." Beck said simply.

"What happened after that?" Lane urged, still trying things down.

Beck gulped. "Nothing. We sat like that for hours until we knew all the students left for home. Cat helped me up and we grabbed our stuff, walked to her house, did homework, and we had dinner. It was different, of course. Cat was silent and in her own little world. That's…that's when she changed overnight. Seeing me like that…it traumatized her." Beck closed his eyes. "She wasn't the same after that day. After I left her house that night…I hardly recognized her the next day."

"How'd she change?"

"Well…besides her hair color that went from brown to velvet red…she became this naïve young girl, who never saw the bad in anything." Beck recalled. "She suddenly had this free spirit vibe around her and it touched everyone, especially me. If she wasn't innocent before, she definitely was right then and there. I didn't understand it, but her mom explained it to me because knew what her daughter was doing. Her mom didn't know I was cutting though, Cat had just told her she was scared of something she couldn't tell her…anyways, Cat wanted to shut her real self out from the world. She wanted to hide the pain she was feeling. When I did bring it up to Cat, though, she just reminded me that I promised her. So I kept to my word. I also asked her why she colored her hair so suddenly…her answer killed me."

"What was it?"

"She said "So the world's mean people and hurtful things don't recognize me anymore" and then she went on to something else happy."

"How'd you feel?"

"After all of that change…I felt better." Beck let out a little smile. "Cat always kept me upbeat, she never left my side at school, unless for PE. Jack actually stopped burning himself after I told him my story. I don't know the reason why HE stopped, but I'm glad. He and I became decent friends."

"What about the scars?"

"I kept them hidden long enough from my parents, who's fighting eased up, until the cuts healed and disappeared, so they never found out." Beck told him. "I went back to wearing my short sleeve shirts, feeling so much better and relaxed, and I just never felt so great."

"So everything was perfect for 3 whole years?" Lane asked, a bit in disbelief.

Beck smiled. "Yup. Sure, there were a few bumps, but it was always nothing I couldn't handle with my happy little redhead by my side. We met Jade, Andre, and Robbie...I personally hated Jade, and she hated me, but she and Cat bonded so well suddenly, so I tolerated her. Robbie was funny and Andre became one my closest friends. Cat has always been my best friend and always is there for me. There was NEVER a time when she told me to leave or was too busy for me. She dropped everything for me. She put me before herself. No matter what, I was number one in her life and she was number one in mine."

"You two depended on each other a lot."

"Yes, we did." Beck remembered. "We were…inseparable."

"You didn't confess to Cat that you loved her?"

"No, not for those three quiet years." Beck admitted. "I was still rocky on the romantic love part. I knew that I wanted to always be with her forever."

"Beck…what changed three years later?" Lane asked. "What happened last month?"

Beck gulped. "I…this time, Lane, I really can't talk about it. Please don't use Cat against me on this either. I know Cat wants me to open up about this, but I can't. It's getting to be too much."

"So since I'm putting too much on you, are you going to cut after this?" Lane asked, sounding a bit harsh.

Beck had wide eyes.

He had been thinking about wanting to cut.

He was having such an urge to grab something sharp and cut his arms.

"I don't want to though." Beck whispered. "I…I really just want to be with Cat."

"But you'll go back there and what will you tell Cat?" Lane asked. "Are you going to _lie_ to her face and tell her you told me everything and you feel better?"

Beck glared. "No! I'll never tell Cat a lie!"

"Then you need to suck it up and talk to me, because if you don't, you're relationship with the girl you say you love will go downhill." Lane told him in a vicious, but serious voice. "I don't want you to fall, Beck. I can see you do big things in the future. I really can. But I know that you won't be able to without Cat by your side."

Beck had tears. "I know…" He sobbed quietly to himself.

Lane waited patiently.

"_He_ did this."

Lane raised an eyebrow, but picked up the pen to write. "Who?"

Beck clenched his fists. "_He_ did. _He_ ruined everything."

"Who, Beck?"

"My dad."

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**Thatrandomgirl, LittleMissVictorious, ec4lewis, Glittergirl123, BerissVictorious, VictoriousForever10, BooTheUnicorn, CourtsxBatFan: **Alright, ya'll, I loved the reviews :) Thanks for the VERY encouraging words. I appreciate it. I wanted to get something out of the way: I'm NOT treating Cat's diabetes like it's some sort of diseases, not at all. BUT when you seriously don't take care of yourself when you have something like hypoglycemia, it could take it's toll on you…just saying. And also: Tourniquet means a bandage to stop blood…alrighty then. Probably the best title for this story, since Beck's cutting. KEEP REVIEWING!


	4. I Want To Die

**Tourniquet**

_**Digidestend Angel**_

**I do NOT own Victorious**

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**Chapter Four **

**I Want To Die**

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_**Blurring and stirring - the truth and the lies.  
So I don't know what's real and what's not  
Always confusing the thoughts in my head  
So I can't trust myself anymore – Going Under**_

…

Lane sat forward in his seat. "Beck…how did your dad ruin everything?"

Beck clenched his eyes closed. "He…he just did, alright?"

"Beck."

"No, he just did."

"Beck Oliver, you need to tell me right now or else everyone is going to be very upset that you're not talking with me." Lane said in a serious tone again. "I know you told me to stop using Cat against you, but I have to so I can get through to you, I guess. Cat needs you to do this. If you don't stop cutting, you're in for a wh0le lot of pain because it's going to stress and worry Cat, which will make her fragile state she's in drop drastically, AND that will cause you to cut AGAIN."

Beck sobbed. "I just want to turn back time! I wish I had never cut! If I had never started, this all wouldn't have happened!"

"What happened, Beck?"

Beck looked like he was trying to compose himself. "It…it was a perfect night, you know? Cat and I were having our usual Friday Night Movie Night. It was the best time of the week for me, because we were always watching either scary movies or romantic movies, which both in some way, Cat would always lean against me for comfort." He chuckled through her anger. "This night, we were watching a scary movie. It was freaking her out and she was tightly holding onto me, which I seriously didn't mind."

"You two weren't dating?"

"No…I should've made the first movie, but I didn't." Beck frowned. "She did."

"_AH!" Cat screamed as she hid in Beck's sweater, shaking violently. _

_No matter what, Beck had his arms protectively around her to show that she was safe with him, even though he always wanted to laugh at her. He'd just laugh later. Why did they pick Paranormal Activity again? The movie freaked him out too, but the amusement his best friend was putting him through was just too much. _

_When the movie ended, Beck took the remote and turned it off. He looked down at Cat, who had little droplets of tears, staring at the TV, but her fists were clenching his shirt for dear life. _

"_Cat?" He rubbed her back and arms. "Are you alright?"_

"_No more scary movies." She mumbled cutely._

_Beck chuckled. "That's what we've been saying for the past 3 years, girl. It's never happened."_

"_Well no more after tonight."  
_

"_Hm…sure, whatever you say." _

_Cat leaned up and punched his arm. _

"_Ow!" He rubbed his arm, taking his arms away from her. "Dang, girl, you have one heck of a punch!"_

_Cat giggled, her mood changing. "Yes, I do. At least you know if I ever run into a mean person in a dark alley, I can punch him and run away." _

_Beck turned serious. "Hey…that's not funny." His worst fear was a "mean person" putting their hands on Cat with the intent to harm her. He wanted her safe and protected. Isn't that what he's been doing all these years since he's known her? To hell was he going to let some stranger come along and ruin it. "We talked about that, Cat."_

_Cat sighed. "I know. Sorry. I forgot…sort of. I know I'm very important to you." She gave him a soft smile._

"_You are everything to me, Cat." Beck leaned over and kissed her forehead. _

_Before he could lean away, Cat gently put her hands on the back of his head, pulling him closer to her, putting her lips on his. _

_The kiss consisted of sparks and fireworks. He'd never felt something so beautiful before. Sure, it was his first kiss, but hell, it was the best one. He wouldn't trade his first kiss with Cat for anyone or anything. He immediately kissed back and wrapped arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. She ran her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp as she went. Beck never felt so relaxed and comfortable in his whole life. _

_He never wanted it to end. _

_But they had to breathe sometime._

_Cat loosened her grip on his head and put her hands on his shoulders, leaning away a bit. Beck refused to let her out of his arms. She leaned her forehead on his, tears brimming her eyes._

_He wasn't expecting that. _

_His heart pounded against his chest. "Cat? Did I do something wrong?" He asked in complete fear._

"_No!" She shook her head. "No, no, no, it's not you, but…I ruined everything, didn't I?" She sobbed, leaving his forehead, but leaning her head on his shoulder, facing away from him. He rubbed her back to comfort her. "I'm so sorry. Please, don't hate me."_

_He gently smiled and kissed her head. "Oh, Cat…you ruined nothing, nor do I hate you. I could never hate you."_

"_Promise?" _

"_I promise." _

"_Yay!" _

_Beck chuckled at her silliness. _

_Cat released him, her hands were still on his shoulders lightly, while Beck pulled her even closer until she was on his lap. _

_She played with his hair. _

_He looked a bit nervous. "Cat…"_

"_Hmm?" _

"_Will you be my girlfriend?"_

"I'm going to assume she said yes?" Lane asked, making sure he'd get everything right.

"Yes." Beck let himself smile. "She said yes right away. I was kind of mad since the guy is always supposed to make the first move, but it happens. I vowed to myself that I would make sure I will be the first one to tell her "I Love Her" instead of the other way around."

"Why didn't you tell her that night?"

"That'd be moving things way to fast." Beck chuckled. "So we kissed again, which I enjoyed very much. It was both of our first kisses that night and we were fond of the feeling. Anyways, it was around midnight when I took her home, walked her to the door, kissed her goodnight, and told her I'd see her in the morning because we were going to go on a picnic and feed the ducks, since she loved doing that. I went home after and I went inside my house first, because I was going to get my laundry out of the dryer. I had left it in there for a few hours because Cat came over. I was folding my clothes and put them in a basket when…when…_he _came in."

Lane frowned. "Your dad?"

"Yeah." Beck almost growled. "He was full on wasted."

_Beck put his laundry basket full of clean clothes on the kitchen table when his dad stumbled in from the front door into the kitchen. "Dad? Seriously? You've been drinking?" He asked in disbelief. "You've never drank." _

"_What's it to you, you little bastard?" His dad growled at him. _

_Beck looked taken aback and hurt. "What did you just call me?"_

"_You heard me." _

"_Unfortunately, I did." Beck looked at him in disgust. "Dude, who are you? You're not my dad."_

_His dad slowly walked up to him, and Beck instantly took a few steps back until he was against the wall. Beck was tall, yes, but his dad still beat him at 6'3, while Beck was 6'0''. _

"_I'm your dad, punk." His dad didn't sound right. The poison of the alcohol was getting to his head. "And you should RESPECT ME!" He snarled out that last part as he took his fist and punched Beck on the side of his face, making the poor 16 year old falls sideways to the ground harshly. "You weak wimp." _

_Beck was breathing heavily as he wiped the blood off the side of his face. "Dad, you hit me!" He yelled, standing and grabbing his laundry basket to go outside. His dad suddenly yanked it away and threw all his clothes on the tile floor and threw the basket elsewhere. Beck was getting upset, if he wasn't already. "Dad!" _

"_What's the hurry, Beckett?" His dad growled. "Do you have sexy little Kitty-Cat out there, waiting for you in the RV?"_

_Beck wasn't backing down now. His dad crossed the very thin line. No one disrespects Cat, at least, not in front of Beck's face. "Don't you talk about Cat that way. She deserves respect, dad. Especially now, since she's my girlfriend."_

"_Wow…she sunk so low to be with you?" His dad chuckled evilly. "Surprise, surprise. I thought a little hot one like that would aim higher than a stupid, scrawny kid like you...even though, she's not the sharpest tool in the shed."_

_Beck had tears. "Dad…please, stop."_

"_She may be your girlfriend, but don't expect anything more." His dad smirked. "No one loves you and no one ever will. You're a useless, pathetic bastard, who won't succeed in life. You're NOTHING!" With that, his dad picked up the vase filled with flowers in the center of the table and threw it across the kitchen and it shattered loudly against the wall. _

_Beck was glad his mom was on a business trip._

_She'd be upset that her husband was hurting her only son._

_His dad spit on Beck and then walked away, stomping up the stairs._

_Beck collapsed to his knees, onto all his clothes scattered on the floor, sobbing and holding himself. _

Beck had tears falling from his eyes. "Sure, the punch hurt and almost broke my jaw, since it immediately bruised, but…what hurt the most were all those horrible, hurtful words he told me. Everything he said just broke me. I know I shouldn't have listened, but I was inside my head. He's never, EVER been so harsh with me. Hell, he's never yelled or lost his patience with me for as long as I've lived."

"But all that changed…"

"With alcohol." Beck sighed, wiping the tears away. "I'm never drinking. I never want anybody to get hurt the way I was."

"Beck…what happened after that?"

"I cleaned up the glass and flowers, throwing all of them in the trash, re-folded my clothes and put them in the basket, and went to my RV." Beck bit his lip.

"What happened after that?"

Beck looked up to Lane. "What do you think I did? It's obvious."

"You cut, didn't you?"

* * *

**Thatrandomgirl, LittleMissVictorious, CubeFistMan, CupcakePeaceLove, princess-of-snow12, jinxcharm **_(Whoa, where the heck have you been? Lol), _**bigsister3000, Glittergirl123, chipy8910, VictoriousForever10, CourtsxBatFan, BooTheUnicorn: **Thanks guys for the reviews :) It means a lot that you like the story. I'm glad I'm doing okay on it. Keep reviewing :)


	5. Do You Remember Me?

**Tourniquet**

_**Digidestend Angel**_

**I do NOT own Victorious**

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**Chapter Five**

**Do You Remember Me?**

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_**Don't you want to feel?  
Don't you want to live your life?  
How much longer are you gonna give in to the fear?  
Holding you down until you're frozen  
I can't let you fall apart – Disappear**_

…

_Beck quickly stumbled into the safe walls of his RV, feeling sheltered away from the evil world, including his father. He really didn't know that he would regret locking the door in a few hours. _

_He quickly put his clothes away in their respective places and put the laundry basket in the corner. He changed into a pair of pajama pants, a regular t-shirt, and socks. His hair was a mess, but he didn't care. All he cared and wanted at the very moment…was getting rid of the pain. _

_He went to his bathroom and grabbed one of his razors. He took out a pair of scissors and started getting to work, nothing else in his mind, but wanting to get rid of the horrid pain that was currently eating him alive. Finally, after about 20 minutes of getting it off, it snapped apart. He didn't care to throw the left items of the razor away. He took the sharp blade and immediately started cutting his arm. _

_The stinging, burning pain was wonderful. _

_Sickening, but just so much better than the broken heart he had and the bruise that was forming on the side of his face. _

_Over…and over again…and then a few more…_

_When Beck felt he was done, he dropped the razor blade into the sink, not noticing it was covered with blood, along with little droplets of blood staining his pure, clean white sink. He fell against the wall and slid down to his bottom, taking in the serious pain. He didn't bother to put a towel to it or clean it. He'd do that in the morning or whenever he decided to get up. _

_He didn't care anymore._

_He just didn't._

"You know…" Beck started. "Now that I look back, I can't help, but think…what was wrong with me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I officially had the perfect girlfriend and I was on top of the world." Beck answered. "So why didn't I think of her when I was breaking off that razor blade? I don't understand. She didn't even cross my mind at that moment. I forgot everything. Mostly…I forgot…I forgot that we were…"

"You forgot that you were meeting in the morning?" Lane asked.

Beck nodded. "Yeah…"

"Beck…"

"What?"

Lane sighed. "Cat came over the next morning, didn't she?"

"Yup." Beck sounded ashamed.

_Beck awoke to pressure on his destroyed arm and someone cleaning it with a wet rag as he was laying on his stomach, comfortable in his pillow on his bed. He hissed at first at the stinging pain and then turned to his arm that was off the bed and gasped. He jumped up, making the girl he adored release him arm. "Cat!" Tears fell from his eyes suddenly. He saw her saddened face as she had a bowl of water next to her and a bloody wet rag in her hands. She was on her knees, originally cleaning his arm for him. Tears were streaming down her face, but otherwise, he didn't hear a sound from her._

_Beck bit his lip. _

"_Cat…I'm so sorry." His voice cracked. _

_Cat didn't respond as she held her hand out. _

_He sighed and lowered himself off the bed, onto his knees next to Cat, facing her. He gave her his arm that was still covered in dry blood. She must've just started cleaning it. She wet the rag again, making blood stream inside, and then took it out, pressing it gently to Beck's arm, that was barely noticeable, yet it would stick out like a glow stick. Beck couldn't remember what color skin he had on that arm, since it lost so much blood. It looked to him like he had cut maybe 30 times or more. It was hard to tell, there was just too many. They weren't deep. Just tiny, little slits to feel something. They were more than enough to cause pain._

_After a good few minutes of slowly cleaning the blood off, Cat motioned for him to stay there as she took the bowl and the rag, going to his bathroom. He remembered the stained blood and bloody covered razor in the sink. He still didn't move though. She probably already saw it. He saw her come back out and he saw she had a box of bandages, gauzes, and that dreadful anti-infecting cream he hated. She sat in front of him again, still not saying a word as she rubbed the cream on him, making him cry out in pain this time because of the stinging that was worse than cutting in general. _

_She flinched at the cry and dropped the cream and his arm, backing away, afraid that he was angry with her. _

_Beck caught his breath. "No, no, Cat, I'm sorry." He said in a strained voice, breathing in and out. "Go ahead."_

_Cat slowly and shyly crawled up to him again and continued what she was doing. _

_It killed him to see her so scared…and what was worse, she was afraid of __**him**__._

"She put the gauzes on, wrapped my arm gently, yet tightly in the bandages, just like all those years ago. Her hands, again, covered in blood…_my_ blood." Beck whispered, looking at the wall ahead of him again. "She cleaned the stuff off the floor and helped me back into bed. I didn't argue with her, not wanting to upset her. She went into the bathroom and I heard her cleaning the sink and rinsing out the bowl. She came out with the big bowl, the wet rag, and took the bandages and stuff and left the RV. I knew she was just going into the house to put everything back."

"You weren't worried your dad was home?"

"He works every day, almost all day, except for Sundays…even then, he finds some sort of excuse to go in."

"Oh." Lane was still writing everything down. "Beck…let's talk about how you felt when Cat was doing all those things for you."

Beck let out a large sob, startling Lane. "Horrible! I felt like a bastard! I told myself that my dad was right! I'm pathetic! I'm useless! GOD, I can't believe I DID THAT TO HER! I promised her! I eff-ing promised her and I broke it! I have NEVER broken a promise to Cat! NEVER!"

"But you did."

"YES!" Beck gripped his hair. "God, I could only IMAGINE what was going through her head! I mean…I'd feel betrayed and so hurt if it was the other way around. And Cat's so fragile and sensitive- DAMMIT!" Beck stood up suddenly and paced. Lane let him. As long as Beck didn't run out the door, he'd allow it. "How could I do that to her?"

"Beck…when you're in that much pain, it's so easy to forget the people you love around you." Lane tried to console him. "What your dad said and did, Cat wouldn't blame you. Did you tell her?"

Beck nodded. "I did, but…but…but what she said first…I broke."

_Cat came back in a few minutes later and noticed he was still laying in bed where she left him. She pulled the blankets up around his body and then sat on the side. She reached over, running her fingers through his hair with one small hand and letting her other one hold her stomach. _

_Beck looked concerned as she kept her hand on her stomach, clenching her hand around it every now and then, but figured she was having her "lady cramps" or a stomachache. _

_He should've pressed the subject though._

_But he didn't._

"_Beck?" Her voice said, cracking as she did. "Why'd you break your promise?" _

_Beck closed his eyes and let the tears fall again._

"_Is it my fault?" _

_Beck's eyes snapped open in horror. "N-no! Oh my god, Cat, no!" The LAST thing he wanted was for his innocent girlfriend to blame herself for his stupidity._

"_Is it because of me kissing you last night?" Cat asked in a small voice. "I'm sorry if I made you upset that you would cut yourself. I'll…I'll leave, if you want and I'll never bother you again."_

"_**NO**__!" Beck sobbed violently and sat up, letting the blankets fall off him, and wrapped his arms around Cat's petite body, holding her as close as he possibly could, crying into her shoulder. His heart was racing, his blood pressure was rising dangerously, and he just felt like his stomach was ripped from his body. Never had he felt such guilt. "Don't leave me! Don't ever leave me! It's not your fault! Never, ever will it be your fault! I'll never make it a DAY without you by my side!"_

_Cat sniffled and rubbed his back with one hand and the other running through his hair gently. "Sshh…I'm here, Beck." She whispered, rocking him back and forth. "I'm here and I'm staying. Whatever hurt you, I promise, I'll protect you. I won't leave you again."_

"_I'm so sorry!" He suddenly screamed into her hair. "God, Cat, I'm so damn sorry!" _

"_Don't swear in front of me."_

"_Oh, sorry."_

"_It's okay." Cat forced Beck to let her lean back as she put both her tiny hands on his face, trying to rub the tears away. "What happened, baby? If…if it wasn't me that caused this, then who hurt you?"_

"_My dad." He admitted. _

"I told her everything." Beck told Lane, leaning against the wall. "She was angry and devastated."

"At you or your dad?"

"My dad." He answered. "She was about to hunt him down and give him a piece of her mind, but I stopped her." He chuckled lightly. "Cat's wrath is NOT something you want to face. I may have hated my dad at that very moment, but even he didn't deserve something so terrifying." Beck gulped.

Lane noticed. "What are you leaving out?"

Beck bit his lip. "Cat may not have told me at the time, but after the scare in the cafeteria, in her hospital room, she told me that she had actually walked all the way to my house that morning because she had something she needed to talk about…something that scared her."

"Why?"

"Because the doctor had called her mom and gave her horrible news about Cat." Beck clenched his fists. "I didn't even know she went to the doctors. She hid everything so well. I'm her best friend, and she can read me like an open book, so why couldn't I?"

"Is that when the doctor's told her…"

"Yeah." Beck closed his eyes. "He told her she had a severe case of hypoglycemia…and it's because of me that she didn't tell me. It's my entire fault because from that day on…the stress and worry I put her through…she couldn't do it anymore. Her body gave out."

"Did you not stop after that day?"

"No, but…I kept stressing myself out over the littlest things, Cat felt like she couldn't talk to me about her. I never even thought about her feelings either this whole month. I never realized she wasn't eating right. I didn't notice the amount of weight she was losing so quickly or how pale her skin was getting." Beck shook his head. "It's my fault."

* * *

**RedVelvetAngel, vdog** _(I have NEVER been an author that has updated over and over and then STOPPED suddenly, I swear.), _**xScreamingxAngelx **_(I won't be using those types of songs because this is a delicate story for Beck, since he knows it WOULD matter if he was here because of Cat, and Cat knows of his crappy life. BUT good suggestion. I may use those songs in my next story.), _**XScreamingxAngelx again**_ (Not odd at all. Personally, I just wish there were more BeckXCat stories :( but oh well.), _**MissMadonna, CupcakePeaceLove, Xxxx4evaSummerxxxx, LittleMissVictorious, Glittergirl123, VictoriousForever10, CourtsxBatFan, and CubeFistMan: **Thanks everyone for the reviews :) I won't be updating "All I Ask Of You" because I'm not getting that many reviews for this last chapter…don't blame me for wanting more! You guys have spoiled me since I started writing Victorious stories! LOL! I keep waiting for like 10 reviews for each chapter of all stories :) spoiled, spoiled, spoiled, I know.

**Hurry and review, guys…because the next chapter is going to send you for a spin!**


	6. My God, My Tourniquet

**Tourniquet**

_**Digidestend Angel**_

**I do NOT own Victorious**

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**Chapter Six**

**My God, My Tourniquet**

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_**I still remember the world  
From the eyes of a child  
Slowly those feelings  
Were clouded by what I know now –Field Of Innocence**_

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Lane sat back in his seat, as Beck was still in the same spot, leaning against the wall. "Beck, tell me what happened after you made amends with Cat."

"My mom was still on a business trip and her parents went to visit her brother at the hospital."

"He was in the hospital?"

"Mental ward."

"Oh…right."

Beck nodded. "Anyways, so after I explained everything to Cat, she forgave me and said she had an idea…but she yawned. I knew she looked tired and pale. I told her to lay down with me and then we'd talk as she rested. When she laid beside me, I noticed she was sort of shaking. I didn't question it."

"I see."

Beck glared at the floor. "I should've though."

_Beck helped tuck Cat in right next to him as she curled up in his arms. He sighed as he felt her shaking. "Cat, don't be afraid anymore. I promise not to cut."_

_Cat whimpered. "I know. Sorry."_

"Her voice was just so off." Beck whispered. "It was shaky and…it just wasn't Cat's sweet, soft voice. It wasn't like she was nervous or scared either. It was like she couldn't speak very well. Again, I thought it was just because she was traumatized over what happened only minutes earlier."

"_Are you hungry, girl?" Beck asked her as he ran his fingers through her hair. _

_She shook her head. "No. Can we just lay here?" She whimpered again. _

_Beck pulled her closer and laid his head on hers. "Yeah. Cat…are you okay?"_

"_No." And she broke down. _

"I was just so consumed in myself that I thought she was upset because of me…again…" Tears came to Beck's eyes. "It never crossed my mind that she had come to the RV for another reason. She comes to me when something is really wrong. When something is bothering her or anything related to that, she comes straight to me and I'll take care of it for her. I always have and I always will. But…that day…I made it hard."

"For what?"

"I made it so hard to the point she couldn't talk to me." Beck looked to Lane. "She didn't want to worry me or stress me out."

"So she kept her health issue to herself."

"And those types of things can be avoided, you know? Diabetes, I mean." Beck blurted out. "If Cat had eaten correctly, slept decently, and taken her medication like she should've this whole month, she wouldn't have almost died in the cafeteria."

_Beck put his hand under her chin and made her look up at him. She clenched her eyes shut. "Cat, what's going on? Talk to me."_

_Cat shook her head. "I can't. Not now." _

"_Why?"_

_Cat let out a sigh and forced smile. "Don't worry about me right now, Beck. Let's…let's just focus on getting you back to yourself. Let's get you healed up and happy."_

"_Cat, I don't know how long that can take." He mumbled. "I feel so broken."_

_Cat leaned up and turned to him. "So…so no matter what, I can't help you?" She sighed. "Please, let me help you."_

"_No, no, no." Beck sat up with her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Forget I just said that. I…I do believe in you."_

"_Then trust me." Cat looked him in the eyes. "I want you to be okay. I…care about you. I don't know what I'd do without you, Beck. No matter how I'm feeling or what's happening with me, I can always come to you and you make me better. You make me smile and laugh. You bring me so much joy and happiness." Cat leaned against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. "Please…please, stop cutting."_

_Beck nuzzled his head on hers and took in her perfume. "You're so perfect."_

_After a few minutes, Cat pulled away. "Is it okay if I take a quick nap? I'm so sleepy, Beck."_

"_Okay, of course." Beck laid her down and wrapped an arm around her petite body, pulling her close to him as they safely were covered with the blankets. "Why are you so tired?"_

_Cat shrugged. "I'm sorry."_

"_Don't be." Beck kissed her head. "Just rest. I need you to be healthy."_

_Cat sniffled, but otherwise didn't say anything. _

_**Ring…ring…**_

Beck jumped off the wall as he felt his phone ring and vibrate. He saw it was 'Jade' on his phone and his heart skipped a beat. "Oh no." He whispered. "It's Jade." He told Lane, who stood up in concern. Beck told the gang and doctors to only call him if something happened with Cat. "Jade, what's wrong?" He asked in haste, his heart racing and palms sweating. He was mentally cursing himself out. He knew he shouldn't have left her! Now something bad has happened and he wasn't there!

"_Uh, nothing's wrong." _Jade answered him in a confused tone. _"Why would you assume something would be wrong?"_

Beck let out a long breath of relief as he walked to the couch and sat back down out of exhaustion. He had worked himself up for nothing. Lane saw this and sat back down in his chair. "Nothing. What do you want?"

"_Do you have to be such a rude dick?"_Jade asked harshly. _"We were wondering where you were. You said you were going to an appointment. It's been over 2 hours."_

"This is an important appointment." Beck said sharply. "Ask Cat."

"_We would, but she fell asleep an hour ago. We don't want to disturb her."_

"Well, don't disturb me unless something happens." Beck growled. "Alright?" And with that, he hung up. He almost was about to turn his phone off.

"Don't."

Beck looked to Lane in confusion.

Lane shrugged. "What if something does happen? You'd be devastated if you weren't there in time because your phone was turned off."

Beck's eyes widened and he nodded. "Oh yeah…you're right. Thanks."

"No problem." Lane leaned forward on his desk. "Alright, we were at that day Cat found out again and you two took a nap. What happened after that?"

Beck thought about it, trying to regain his memory after being interrupted and getting the shit scared out of him. "Um…right. Well…it was like noon when I woke up again. Cat wasn't in my arms…"

Lane looked surprised. "Where'd she go?"

Beck released his tears. "She was in the bathroom…and she gave me the one of the scares of my life that day."

_Everything was peaceful and quiet…complete silence. Beck was sound asleep in his bed. Cat was missing from his arms and the RV's room. _

_It was perfect…until…_

"_EEP! BECK!" _

_Beck immediately woke up, his heart racing, fear running through his veins, as he rushed to the bathroom, where he figured Cat would be. He opened the door and his heart almost stopped. _

"_Cat, what the HELL are you DOING?" He asked as she was holding a handful of toilet paper to her arm. _

_He saw the razor on the ground…with blood._

"_Oh my god." He breathed out. "Cat…tell me you didn't…"_

_Cat whimpered. "It's bleeding! Help me, please!" _

_Seeing she really was terrified, Beck went into action and removed the toilet paper from her cut. Instead of his usual small slits he made, this one was deeper and messier. He knew it wasn't life-threatening, but it was enough to make her lose blood quickly. He ran her arm under water in the sink as she sobbed violently. He grabbed the same things she did for him. _

_He was completely clueless. _

"_What do I do?" Beck asked in nervousness. _

_Cat tried to contain herself. "Um…um –ow- take a gauze and press it against –ow- the cut." She hissed in pain. "And just hold it there for a few minutes…it will –ow, ow- help stop the bleeding –ah!" She screamed. "Hurry!" _

_He grabbed a gauze, as she said to do, and turned off the water, pressing it tightly against the cut. "Now what?"_

"_Leave it there for a minute or two." She said out of breath. _

_Beck moved her so she could sit on the toilet, that had the lid closed, and he grabbed the razor, throwing it in the trash can, never wanting that sharp object to touch his sweet angel ever again. _

"_Cat…why did you do this?" He whispered with pain filling his tone. _

_Cat sobbed again. "I was sad about you cutting and confused. I wanted to know why it made you feel better. So…so I decided to try it to see if I could understand this better. But I didn't know what I was doing. I tried to be careful, but I accidentally went too fast and deep. Suddenly the blood started gushing out quicker and quicker, and that's when I screamed for you."_

_Beck was horrified. "Oh, no, no, no…Cat…"_

"_I just wanted to see if it would give me an idea how to help you." She said innocently. "Maybe if I understood what was going on, then you'd listen to me and hopefully realize that you have someone who understands finally."_

_Beck broke into violent tears and kneeled before her, bowing his head on her knees, crying loudly. Cat took the hold of the gauze on her arm from him so he could focus on getting his frustration and guilt out. He couldn't believe it came to this. He couldn't believe Cat did this for him. _

"_Beck." _

_He didn't speak, but he tried to wipe away his tears as he looked up at her. _

_Cat rubbed her lips together before continuing. "It didn't feel as "good" as I thought it would be. I'm sorry, but I don't feel any better."_

Beck sniffled, letting his tears fall from his face onto the carpet. "I couldn't believe that happened either."

Lane was beside himself. "Wait…Cat _**cut**_ herself?"

Beck nodded, filled with shame and guilt.

Lane leaned back in his seat, shocked. "Oh my god…"

* * *

**Glittergirl123, thatrandomgirl, Beriisvictorious, LittleMissVictorious, VictoriousForever10 **_(She's not exactly calm…but it's like she's shutting herself off so she won't breakdown right then and there, you know?), _**CourtsxBatFan, CubeFistMan **_(Yes, Cat's coming back in chapter 8), _**princessironica, and CupcakePeaceLove: **Aw, thanks guys for the wonderful reviews :) I told you guys this chapter would be sending you for a spin, didn't I?


	7. Lost For So Long

**Tourniquet**

_**Digidestend Angel**_

**I do NOT own Victorious**

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**Chapter Seven**

**Lost For So Long**

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_**i believe in you  
i'll give up everything just to find you  
i have to be with you to live to breathe  
you're taking over me – Taking Over Me**_

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Lane and Beck had been sitting in absolute silence for a good 5 minutes, which felt like hours to Beck.

Lane finally spoke. "This just went bad."

"Very." Beck chuckled nervously, still in tears. "I really hadn't planned on telling you this. Cat will kill me when she finds out I told you."

"She really did cut?"

"And it wasn't because of me." Beck began to explain. "Even though she was making up a bunch of things that it was because she wanted to understand how I felt, she really did want to, but…it was because she wanted to get rid of her pain. She found out she had certain diabetes, which she didn't understand, so she wanted the reality of her situation to go away. When Cat doesn't understand something, it scares her. If you don't explain something thoroughly to her, she gets confused and doesn't know what to do next."

Lane let out a breath. "Well…that…makes a bit of…sense, I guess."

Beck was having a hard time speaking. "I kept thinking to myself at those very moments that if she had cut any deeper, she would've sliced through a vein and…bled to death before we could even get to the ER. She would've died. All she was doing was trying to find an easier way to get rid of her pain."

Lane nodded. "Did you guys ever discuss it?"

"Yup. Right after."

_After putting anti-infection cream and bandaging her arm up, Beck helped his girlfriend to the bed and tucked her in. He wanted to stay up and make them some breakfast…or lunch now. _

_Beck gulped before speaking. "Cat…don't ever do that again."_

_Cat frowned. "But you do it. You have no right to tell me that I can't if you do it. What makes me so different?"_

"_The difference is…it made my heart almost stop beating." Beck released his tears. "Cat…you cut too deep. It scared me. You're just too important to me, your family, and our friends. Cat, I need you to be around. I can't live without you. Your parents…dear god, they just adore you. You are everything to them, Cat. And our friends need you too. They need your smiles and laughter. We all do. The whole world does. You're too talented and precious to everyone for you to cut and abuse your body."_

_Cat stared at him. "So are you."_

"_Cat."_

"_Beck…please, please, pleaseeeeee promise me that you won't cut EVER again." Cat begged. "I tried to feel what you feel and it hurt so bad. And look what happened: I hurt you. You're crying and depressed over this. How do you think I feel every time?"_

_Beck nodded. "The same thing."_

"_Yes." Cat sighed. "Please?"_

_Beck didn't even hesitate. "Cat…I promise that I will never, ever cut again."_

"I asked Cat if she wanted to go on that picnic, but she didn't know if we were both up to going outside. I told her I was, and I really was. So she agreed to go. We went to Cat's house and she dressed up for the occasion while I made some sandwiches and packed a bag of bread to feed the ducks. The rest of the day was perfect."

"Cat refused to tell you what was wrong with her, didn't she?"

"Yeah." Beck frowned. "She was distant that day, but again, I thought it was because of that morning. I didn't push it. I should have though…"

_After a few hours, Cat seemed to relax in her yellow summer dress and smiled more. She and Beck finished eating and went by the lake. Cat immediately took out the pieces of bread and broke them apart to feed the ducks, who came up and enjoyed the attention. Beck sat down on the grass, watching closely. _

_Cat had such a way with the world, including animals. Everyone loved her. Who could hate a girl so precious? Whoever did, they'd hear from Beck Oliver, because Cat was the most perfect girl on the planet to him. She did nothing wrong. _

_**SPLASH**_

"_Beck…" He heard her whimper loudly to him._

_Beck snapped out of his thoughts and saw Cat in the pond. He jumped and raced over to her. Her hair was in her face as she tried to help herself up. He grabbed her waist and lifted her out of the water and onto her feet. The ducks feasted upon the bread floating in the water now. _

_Cat was shaking. _

_Beck took her hair out of her face and tried to smooth it out with his hands as he looked into her eyes. "Cat…what happened?"_

_Cat shrugged. "I went dizzy."_

"_Dizzy?" He asked in concern. _

"_Mmhmm." Cat nodded, rubbing her eyes with her fists. _

"_Oh, babygirl." He kissed her forehead as he kept trying to smooth out her tangled hair with his fingers. "You're okay. I have you."_

"_Beck?"_

"_What's wrong?" _

_She leaned back and looked him in the eyes. "Can I move in with you?"_

"I could barely believe my ears." Beck said out loud. "It wasn't like my best friend to say something like that. I've known Cat almost my whole life, so it just didn't feel right."

"Why did she want to move in?"

"She explained why and then it started to make sense." Beck explained. "She didn't want me to cut again. So we planned it out. For a month, she'd move in with me and that whole month, I wouldn't leave her sight and she'd help me regain myself so I wouldn't have another relapse. She was going to make sure I had the happiness of life implanted in my brain. She said she was going to remind me of why I hadn't cut for three full years before doing it again."

"Did she?"

"Did she ever." Beck chuckled. "She did that and more."

"Before we jump ahead, let's wait a second." Lane said, writing everything down. "Let's skip ahead to the day she moved in."

"It was the next day." Beck didn't smile nor did he frown. "She wasn't okay."

"Emotionally or physically?"

"Physically."

"_I'm still in amazement that your parents are letting you live with me for a full month." Beck chuckled as he walked into the RV with Cat's suitcase. She walked in behind him with a duffle bag full of bathroom things and stuff, along with her school backpack. "Same with my parents."_

"_I'm glad your dad apologized to you." Cat said softly, putting her stuff down next to the couch. "I'm glad he told your mom and she talked to you about it too."_

"_Yeah. Even though he only drank once, which was that night, he still is going to go to AA meetings." Beck smiled. "And when we talked to them about my cutting, they were shocked, but they were glad you wanted to help me."_

"_Now our only focus is going to be you." Cat told him, patting his arm. When she put a hand to her head suddenly, he took her arm to steady her. "Sorry."_

"_Don't tell me you're tired again." Beck said, looking concerned. Cat shrugged. "Cat…since yesterday to all day today, you've been seriously tired. What's going on?"_

_Cat began to tear up as her eyes were getting glossy. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Her voice croaked. "I'm sorry. I'll leave-"_

_He grabbed her arm before she ran out. "Hey, hey…" He pulled her to his chest as she sobbed. "Don't leave."_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Don't be." Beck pulled back. "Cat, I'm serious. You refused to eat last night and this morning…what's going on with you?"_

_Cat shook her head. "I'm just bothering you! I'm sorry!" She wrenched herself from him, but he grabbed her again and pulled her back into his arms. "Let me go! I'll just make you upset!" _

"_Sshh." Beck cooed as he sat her down on the bed and rocked her back and forth on his lap. She was trying to calm down her breathing. "I'm not upset. I'm okay. We'll be okay."_

_Soon after, he found her asleep. _

_After tucking her in and putting Mr. Longneck in her arms, making sure her bandages on her arm were still clean, Beck left her and decided to go work on some homework. Cat could just copy off him when she woke up. He sat on the couch, but he accidentally knocked over Cat's small duffle bag. He flinched and saw Cat only stir. He sighed in relief. He started picking up the items, but he saw a bottle of medication. Cat's name was on it._

_Why did she have medication?_

_Beck looked over to Cat, who's face looked peaceful and innocent._

_He was worried._

_What was wrong with his girl?_

"Did you confront her about it?" Lane asked.

Beck shook his head. "No." He sighed. "I should've."

Lane looked over at his watch and his eyes widened. "Wow, Beck, it's been over 3 hours."

Beck looked shocked. "Seriously?"

"Yup." Lane nodded. "It's almost 7. I know visiting hours stop at 8 and you probably want to get to the hospital before the others leave."

"Yeah." Beck stood up as did Lane. "I don't like Cat alone. She hates hospitals."

"Let's continue this tomorrow. Same time." Lane urged.

Beck could tell he wasn't going to take no for an answer. He nodded. "Alright. See you tomorrow."

Beck left Lane's office and left the school walls, walking to his car. As he sat in and started it up, he smiled. On his dashboard, a wallet size photo of him and Cat at their freshman year prom was there. Things seemed to be so simple back then.

Why couldn't things go back to that?

* * *

**Rising Flame 'o' Hell: **Well somebody woke up on the wrong freaking side of hell today…dude, if you don't like my flippin' stories, DON'T READ THEM! Jeez, it makes no sense to flame someone about their stories that you don't like or that you disagree with…just don't read them if you don't LIKE THEM! You can't control what the author writes to make it what YOU want! If you want stories a certain way…WRITE YOUR OWN! …okay, I'm done now.

**Angel-demon princess12, LittleMissVictorious, CubeFistMan, jinxcharm, CourtsxBatFan, xScreamingxAngelx **_(Again, if you need to talk, you can vent to me.), _**BeriisVictoroius, Chipy8910, Glittergirl123, VictoriousFOrever10 **_(Hope you are feeling better)_**:** Thanks guys for reviewing :) you all are so great, and I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOo happy you guys like the story! I'm finished writing this story by the way, so that's good :) So no wait for updates! (That rhymed…) And guys, don't send hateful things to that flamer…yes, I know some of you well.


	8. I'm Dying, Praying, Bleeding, Screaming

**Tourniquet**

_**Digidestend Angel**_

**I do NOT own Victorious or any Evanescence songs  
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**Chapter Eight**

**I'm Dying, Praying**

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_**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me – Immortal **_

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Beck walked into the hospital room number 323 and knocked a little before continuing in. He saw Andre, Tori, Jade, and Robbie gathered around Cat's hospital bed, with the tray in the middle of their circle. He chuckled. "Monopoly in a hospital? Never heard of that one before."

"A new activity to put in the books." Jade said as she picked up the dice in the middle of the board.

"I think that's something to cross of our list of things "We Never Thought We'd Do", right?" Robbie said, making everyone laugh.

Beck walked up to the end of the bed, staring into Cat's worried, concerned eyes. He wished she was happy instead. Of course, after the hell he had put her through, he couldn't blame her for not trusting him to leave her sight. "Well, hurry and finish your game." Beck told them, sticking his hand in his pockets. "Cat needs her rest."

"She's been sleeping since you left!" Andre told him. "She only woke up a half hour ago. She ate a little of her dinner and then we decided to play this."

"I am tired though." Cat said in a soft, weak voice. She flinched as she put her fingers on the oxygen tube close to her nose, but remembered she wasn't allowed to take that out. It was just uncomfortable. "Why don't you guys just leave everything where it is on the tray and put it aside? We can continue tomorrow."

"Good idea." Tori nodded. "Alright, guys, you heard the lady."

"Why can't I spend the night?" Jade asked suddenly as everyone was grabbing their coats and belongings. "Beck, you're hogging her. Tonight, you should go home and I'll stay with Cat."

Cat's eyes widened and her lip started trembling.

Beck scoffed. "Good one, West. Out."

She glared at him as she snatched her purse and stomped out of the room.

Andre chuckled. "She'll be fine by tomorrow, don't worry." He leaned down and kissed Cat's forehead. "We'll come visit you tomorrow after school, Lil' Red."

"Kay-Kay." Cat smiled gently.

Tori leaned over next and hugged her. "Try and get better, little girl." Tori poked Cat's stomach and the redhead couldn't stop the giggle that escaped her mouth. "We miss you and Beck at school."

Cat nodded. "I'm trying."

Robbie came up after Tori and hugged Cat. Once he released her, he smiled. "You know…if Beck ever isn't around or if you get tired of him and you need company-"

"Leave, Rob." Beck grumbled and Robbie ran out.

Tori went to walk after him and Andre looked to Beck. "We'll be back after school."

"Good. I have another appointment tomorrow at 4 again, so I need you guys here." Beck shook hands with Andre and their friend left, shutting the door behind him. Beck turned to Cat and leaned over, kissing her lips gently. She leaned back after separating their lips and gave him a soft smile. "How's my precious girl?"

"I'm okay." Cat whispered. "Go get your pajamas on and we can talk."

Beck nodded and did as she said. He grabbed his sweats and another t-shirt, going into the bathroom and shut the door. He did his business, alone to his thoughts. He hated how weak she looked and sounded. It wasn't fair. How could his girlfriend go through this? Was this punishment towards him? Was God unhappy that Beck was abusing his skin that He gave him, so He decided to torture Beck by hurting Cat? Possibly. Beck would never know. All he did know was that he wanted to be with Cat right now, so he quickly brushed his teeth and went to the restroom.

He left the bathroom and he saw Cat adjusting the tubes that were in her nose and tried to make it more comfortable as each side rested on the top of her ears. Her eyes were scrunched up and her lips were rubbing together in frustration. Beck sighed and put a hand on her knee. "Here, let me help."

She opened her eyes and let him do so, dropping her hands onto her lap. Beck leaned over and helped adjust them so they weren't falling out or in too far so they wouldn't hurt her nose. Once he was done, Cat smiled. "Thank you."

"You should really stop touching them." Beck softly scolded her. "That's why it hurts and gets uncomfortable."

Cat scowled. "Don't be a meanie." And she involuntarily yawned, squeaking cutely as she did, making Beck smile.

"Do you want to lay down?" He asked, about to help her lie back and press the "down" button to move her bed back, but she gently took his hand. She shook her head. "Are you sure? You look tired."

"I am, but I want to talk." She told him. "Please?"

"Of course." Beck sat on the side of her bed, putting one leg up, but his other one dangling off. He turned to her as she reached for his hand. He took it and kissed it. "So I'm guessing you want to talk about the appointment?"

"You don't have to tell me everything, Beck." She said. "I just want to know if you went to see Lane and if it helped at all. I hope it did, or else I'll feel horrible for making you go all the way over there." She giggled lightly.

Beck chuckled. "It's only a 20 minute drive." He told her. "Yes, I went to go see him. I've been there this whole time. We talked…a lot."

"Really?" Cat looked relieved. "That's so good. I'm so proud of you, Beck."

Beck looked up at her. "You're proud?"

"Yes, very much."

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Thank you. I've wanted to hear that all day." He leaned back, but kept her hand in his. "We talked so much about you."

"Me?" She looked surprised.

"Of course." Beck said. "Cat, we've been through everything together. Ever since this cutting drama started, it's been me and you against the world. So yes, you are a big part of our conversations."

Cat blushed. "Ooh, I feel special."

Beck grinned. "Yeah, you better. Anyways, Lane has a plan."

"A plan?"

"Mmmhmmm." Beck nodded. "What we're doing is starting talking through every detail of everything that has happened since the day I started cutting."

"Interesting."

"I thought he was nuts." Beck smiled when Cat laughed. "But he said that after we talk about everything, he said he'll have proof that will help us both."

"Both of us?" Cat's eyebrows rose. "Does Lane want to play God or something?"

Beck burst out laughing. "You'd think so, huh?"

"So you talked about everything, I'm assuming."

"Nope." Beck shook his head. "We talked about the day I first cut 3 years ago, the day you first caught me cutting, the day me and you became a couple, the night my dad hit me, the morning you cleaned my arm, and when you moved in." Beck went down the list through his own memory. "We stopped there because it was already 7."

"You both talked a lot." Cat sound pleased, but then lost her smile. "Please tell me you didn't tell him about when I…experimented with…you know."

When Beck bit his lip, she groaned.

"Moving on before I cry." She sighed. "You said you're meeting again tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Beck nodded. "I'm kind of scared…"

Cat narrowed her eyes. "Of what?"

"The next one." Beck sighed. "It's going to be the day you…you collapsed."

Cat gave him a small smile and put her hand on his cheek, letting him lean into her touch. He put one of his hands on top of hers. "You'll be okay. You're so strong, Beck. You may not think you are, but you really are. You're going to realize that you don't need to cut and scar your body. You have people around you who love you and will help you through everything. You have me. I'm not going anywhere."

Beck stared into her big brown eyes. "Please, don't ever go anywhere without me."

Cat giggled. "I wouldn't dream of it."

_Knock, knock_

The door opened.

Beck saw a doctor's coat and stood up from his spot on the bed.

The doctor walked in and gave them both a small smile. "Miss Valentine, Mr. Oliver." He walked up to the other side of Cat, opposite of Beck, and began checking her vitals and such.

"How's my girl doing, Doc?" Beck asked him after a minute, taking Cat's hand into his.

"Hmm…"

Beck's heart dropped. He hated it when doctors make those kinds of sounds.

"Caterina, your blood pressure is getting too low again."

Cat's eyes widened. "What? How?"

"You're not taking care of yourself." The doctor looked to her. "You're not eating your food, like you should. How did you sleep last night?"

Cat looked to her lap. "I was restless."

"She had a nightmare." Beck told him, making her glare to him.

"Caterina, this is not a good thing. Your stress level is through the roof, making your mind and body weak and delirious." The doctor leaned over so she'd look at him. "I need you to start eating all of your food and relaxing. With your severe case of hypoglycemia, this is very dangerous. It's getting life-threatening."

Beck gave Cat's hand a squeeze as he wished he could drop dead.

As the doctor lectured Cat for a few more minutes, Beck was in his own world.

_Life-threatening…_

Cat's life isn't out of danger yet. There's still a chance she won't be returning home with him ever again. He thought about that…he didn't want to think about it anymore. How could he go on without Cat? Especially knowing that it was his fault that she'd be dead? These are the feelings he had been talking about. The stress, the worry, the nervousness, the anxiety, and so much more that just fill up his emotions that they were about to burst. He needed to get rid of them. It was building up every second went by. He wanted all these feelings gone and he didn't want to experience this kind of agony ever again.

He needed them gone…and fast.

Wait…what was he saying?

"Beck."

Beck snapped himself out of his thoughts and looked to Cat, who had tears streaming down her cheeks. The doctor was gone and the door was closed.

She gave his hand a squeeze. "You don't _need_ to cut."

He broke down sobbing.

Cat forced herself to move her weak body over and then she pulled Beck into bed next to her, tucking him under the covers with her, pressing the "down" button so they were laying down. He wrapped his arms around her waist as she leaned her head on his chest, feeling so safe. Soon, his sobs quieted down and he rested his head on hers, rubbing her back.

Cat yawned.

"Go to sleep, Cat."

"Okay, but on two conditions."

Beck chuckled through his tears. "Alright, what conditions?"

Cat grinned. "Are you sure you can handle them?"

"Lay them on me."

"One, you have to stay right here next to me all night until I wake up in the morning." Cat told him, poking his chest.

"No arguments here." Beck kissed her head.

"And two…don't cut. Not tonight."

Beck closed his eyes and bit his lip.

Did it really come to this?

She is too afraid to go to sleep because she's scared he'll cut.

Unbelievable.

This crap wasn't cutting it anymore.

"No cutting tonight." Beck told her. "Or ever again."

"Kay-Kay." She whispered and then he heard her breathing even out.

He began to fall asleep too.

He prayed whatever Lane had up his sleeve was going to help because right now…he was getting desperate.

* * *

**CourtsxBatFan, jinxcharm, MusicManiac **_(Yes, trust me, dear. It's just not worth it. I'm stuck with these scars forever. I dread the day when my son will ask "Where did those come from?" Whatever is going on, you can get through it. :) If you need to talk, you can PM me)_**, CubeFistMan, angel-demon princess12 **_(Yes, I hope he does too because I HATE unfinished stories, so I told him to finish this one, because I don't want an unfinished story that people love on my profile. Mmhmm.), _**Rising Flame 'O' Hell **_(Sorry, dear, but it must be said. Thanks for reviewing anyways), _**Glittergirl123 **_(No, you cannot, missy.), _**LittleMissVictorious, xxunbrokenxx, VictoriousForever10: **Thank you guys for reviewing and your total kind and encouraging words! They keep me writing. They cheer me up when I'm suddenly depressed on a seconds notice. Lol. Post-Partum Depression is not going well for me.


	9. I Lay Dying

**Alright, fine! I'll update! But I'm not budging this next time! 10 reviews a chapter…please…**

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**Tourniquet**

_**Digidestend Angel**_

**I do NOT own Victorious**

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**Chapter Nine**

**I Lay Dying**

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_**Hold on to me love  
you know I can't stay long  
all i wanted to say was, "I love you and I'm not afraid"  
can you hear me?  
can you feel me in your arms? – My Last Breath**_

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Beck pulled up to the school around 4 the next day, dreading the next session. Everyone was home already, since school gets out at 3:15. Andre, Tori, Jade, and Robbie had barely just arrived at the hospital before Beck was supposed to leave. Apparently, they wanted to grab a few Red Velvet Cupcakes and some flowers, along with a human size balloon of "Detective Blow-Whole" before visiting. They vowed to Beck that they'd stay until Beck came back. He didn't want Cat alone…not in the state she was in. She tried to look happy when she saw the balloon, flowers, and cupcakes, but nothing could hold back the tears of sadness.

He stepped out of the car and was surprised when he saw Lane sitting at a bench out front. He walked up to him. "Hey, Lane."

Lane looked up from his coffee cup and smiled. "Beck, there you are." He stood up. "Ready for our next session?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Let's walk around, shall we? It'll be better to get some fresh air. I know talking about all these things pain you." Lane said to Beck.

"How are you going to write things down though?" Beck asked in confusion.

Lane pulled out a little device out of his pocket. "This." He pressed "Record". "Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever get." Beck mumbled as they started walking into the school doors.

"How was Cat today?" Lane asked to make conversation, just to start somewhere. He was positive Cat's health and state would be a best way to start the session.

"She had a rough night last night." Beck replied, sticking his hands in his pockets. "She had a nightmare…and woke up very confused. She was sweaty and shaky, it was scaring her."

"Did she tell you what her nightmare was about?" Lane asked in concern.

"Yeah." Beck looked angry with himself. "Me. I killed myself by slitting my wrists in front of Cat, telling her I hated her and that I never needed her, nor did I ever want her around, and that if she hadn't bothered me all month, I would've been fine." He shivered. "Damn…the hurt and fear in her eyes was something I don't want to see ever again. She wouldn't let me go all day. When they even tried to take her blood pressure or letting her walk around to see if she was stable enough to even use the restroom, she refused to let me go. She hadn't stopped crying either."

"How'd she take you leaving for this appointment?"

"At first, she didn't want me to go, but when I reminded her what it was for, she…she let me go." Beck gulped. "I know it was hard for her to do…she was still crying when I walked out of the room. Tori was holding her and rocking her back and forth, while Andre had her hand. Jade promised me she'd make sure Cat would be perfectly fine. Robbie…was Robbie. Every single one of them gave me their word that they wouldn't leave her side. Even after all of that, it still broke my heart to leave her."

"I guess so." Lane sighed. "Beck, it's time we discuss…what happened."

Beck nodded. "I know…but let's start in the morning of that day. It may make more sense to what happened."

"_AHH!" _

_Beck rolled off the couch in shock. He immediately untangled himself from the sheet and blankets, getting up and rushing over to Cat, who was shaking violently in the bed. _

"_Cat!" He yelled, grabbing her shoulders and making her stop thrashing around. "Cat, stop!" _

_Cat gasped as her eyes snapped open. She was breathing heavily and whimpering. "Beck? Beck!" She forced herself up and into his arms, her body was stiff and achy. "Oh, Beck!" She sobbed in his chest as she gripped his t-shirt. "It was scary! It was so scary! Eep!" _

_Beck was hardly functioning to keep himself strong for her. "Cat, what happened?" _

"_You…you were mad that I was helping you!" Cat cried out. "You woke me up and told me you hated me and how much I was bothering you and how it's my fault you started cutting in the first place because I bugged you too much! You slapped me and punched me, threw me against the wall, and then you started cutting with a big knife on your arm right in front of me! I tried to stop you, but you told me to go to…you know…h-e-l-l…and then you stabbed me in the stomach with the big knife!" _

_Beck was beside himself. "Wait-what? Cat...what kind of freaking nightmare is THAT?"_

_Cat flinched at his tone. "I'm sorry!" _

"_No, no, no, don't be sorry." Beck took a deep breath. "No, this isn't your fault. You can't control what you dream." He rested his head on top of hers as she continued to cry in his chest. "Nothing I said in that dream was true. I love having you around. I'd never lay a finger on you to harm you. There's no way I'd make it a day without you. I love you."_

_Cat gasped and sat up, leaning away from him. _

_When he recalled his words, his eyes widened._

"_Uh…" He chuckled nervously. "I was planning on making that a little more romantic…"_

_Cat giggled through her sadness and fear. "So you love me?"_

"_Yes." Beck nodded firmly. "I love you so much. I could never hate you. You're not any of the reasons why I was cutting. You could NEVER bother me."_

_Cat's little lips broke into a smile. "I love you too." She said in a shy, small voice, and blushed. _

_Beck smiled back and kissed her._

"That should've been the biggest red light Mother Nature could've sent me that day." Beck said to Lane. "Cat never had nightmares. At least, not since she had lived with me for that whole month. I should've known something was really wrong."

"How was she when you both were getting ready for school?"

"Weak, nervous."

_Cat sat on the couch, looking at her nails. She was shaking and sweating. She didn't know what was happening. She put her head in her hands, trying to shake the feeling. She was so confused on what was happening to her to the point she was quite frightened. _

"_Cat?" Beck's voice asked in worry as he took a seat next to her and put a hand on her back. "Baby, what's going on?"_

"_Um…I'm okay." Cat mumbled. She let out a shaky breath as she sat up again. She didn't want to look Beck in the eye. "What time is it?"_

"_It's time for you to eat breakfast." Beck went to stand up, but Cat shook her head. "What? Cat, you're shaking. You need to eat. I think you're blood sugar is low."_

_Cat looked up at him. "I hope not."_

"_Well it is." He put his arms around her and gently forced her to her feet. "Whoa, Cat…"_

_Cat stepped away from him. "Sorry."_

"_Cat, why are you so sweaty?" Beck tried to hold her again, but she shook him off. _

_Cat stood away from him, looking around. "I don't know…" She looked…confused…scared._

"_You don't know what?" Beck asked, completely lost in what was going on. _

"_I don't know." Cat squeaked out before she buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with sobs. _

"_Okay, that's it. You're staying home today." Beck told her as he tried to sit her down again, but Cat shook him off. "Cat, you're freaking delirious. You are staying home."_

"_NO!" Cat screamed. "I don't want to be alone!" _

"_Then I'll stay home with you."_

"_No!" Cat bit her lip. "You have that test in your French class. We stayed up late so you could study for that!" _

_Beck cursed himself. If he made her stay home, she'd panic on him. If he stayed home with her, she'd feel guilty that he'd miss his exam and panic all over again. "I'm worried about you though."_

"_No, no, don't be worried!" Cat told him. "I'm sorry that I'm worrying you! I'm sorry!" _

"_Cat, stop!" He grabbed her wrists tightly before she could have a panic attack. "You're not going to school and that's final!"_

"But she went to school in the end." Beck sighed. "I still don't remember how she talked me into letting her go."

"What was going on with her?" Lane asked.

Beck ran his hands through his hair. "The doctor said her body was officially losing control. I didn't know she hadn't eaten in a few days. I thought she was eating small things here and there, but come to think of it…she wasn't eating at all. She said she didn't feel like she was hungry. She obviously wasn't sleeping well. She was stressing out about school and me…and not to mention, she was constantly worried about her health, which didn't help anything." Beck shook his head. "How did I not see any of this, Lane?"

"Beck, never in a million years would you have thought that the girl you love had something physically wrong with her. Cat's the best actress of our school. She can hide everything."

"But that day was too much for her to even hide." Beck mumbled. He winced.

_He stepped out of his French class and walked quickly to Cat's classroom as the lunch bell rang out. Students were everywhere, but when her red head came out, he grinned, but soon frowned. She was pale and clammy looking. "Oh, Cat…" He wrapped his arms around her as she leaned against him. "My exam is done, babygirl. How about we head home?"_

_Cat shook her head. "No. I've made it this far. Let's just stay. I don't want to be responsible for you missing your classes."_

_Beck sighed, but let it go. He obviously wasn't going to win that one, as usual. Cat always won somehow. _

_They stood in the lunch line to grab their lunches, when Beck felt her small hand suddenly on his shoulder and gripped him harshly. He hissed at the pain as he turned back. "Damn, Cat, that hurts- Cat?" When she collapsed against him, he immediately grabbed her in his arms before she fell to the floor. "Cat! Cat, baby? No, no, Cat, wake up!" He looked up at the student behind them, who was staring at them in shock. "Call for an ambulance, please!" He begged in tears. The student nodded and took out his phone, while Beck looked back down at Cat, who was staring weakly at him. "Oh, my girl, what's wrong?" He asked her in desperation, cradling her tightly in his strong, protective hold. _

_She put a hand softly on his cheek. "Beck, I'm so sorry I kept this from you." She whispers._

"_Babe, what did you keep from me?" He asked, his voice cracking. _

"_I have hypoglycemia." She told him. "I haven't been taking care of myself ever since I found out."_

"_What? Why?" He asked, as tears left his eyes._

"_I don't care about me, Beck." She used her hands to wipe his tears away as everyone was fretting around them in the cafeteria. "I've been so worried about you, I just wanted to make sure you had all of my attention."_

_Beck shook his head. "No! Cat, you should've told me! I would've taken care of you!"_

"_Beck, you needed me more than I needed you." She whispered up at him. "I love you."_

"_I love you too." Beck pressed his forehead against hers. "I love you more than anything else in the world." _

"_That's why I didn't tell you." Cat smiled. "I know that I mean everything to you. You would've been so scared and stressed constantly, which could've caused you to cut. I don't want you cutting anymore. I want you safe and healthy."_

_Beck sobbed. "Cat."_

_Cat's eyes slowly closed. _

"_No…" Beck gulped as he shook her a little. "Cat, baby, Cat, stay with me!" As she went unconscious, he leaned his head down on her chest and heard no heartbeat or felt her breathing. "No! No, please, NO!" He sobbed violently, holding her limp body close to him. "Please, don't die!" He pleaded. "I need you!" He screamed suddenly, startling everyone around him. "CAT!"_

Beck saw the bathroom in sight, so he ran towards it, leaving Lane there. He opened the door and ran into the first stall, vomiting.

He always hated that memory.

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**Xxxx4evaSummerxxxx, CourtsxBatFan, CubeFistMan, Glittergirl123, Beriisvictorious, VictoriousForever10, MusicManiac, LittleMissVictorious **_(Your profile picture is too cute!)_**: **Thank you guys for reviewing :) Let's shoot for 10 or more reviews for the next chapter! Please. Also, there's only two more chapters left! YUP! The 11th chapter will be the last one! SO review!


	10. Return To Me Salvation

**Tourniquet**

_**Digidestend Angel**_

**I do NOT own Victorious**

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**Chapter Ten**

**Return To Me Salvation**

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_**It never was and never will be  
you're not real and you can't save me  
somehow now you're everybody's fool – Everybody's Fool**_

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Beck left the stall after a few minutes of sobbing and vomiting. He stumbled to the sink and washed his face and mouth. When he wiped his face dry with a towel, he saw Lane leaning against the wall with a sympathetic look. "No." Beck growled. "No more!" He went to the bathroom door and walked out.

Lane left the bathroom right after him, stomping up to Beck. "Beck, you can't do this!" Lane shouted. "You promised-"

"Don't use Cat against me!" Beck yelled at him, turning back to Lane and stopping in his tracks. "I can't talk about all of this anymore! I CAN'T! I don't want to constantly keep reminding myself about how much I failed her and ignored her silent pleas for help! Do you comprehend what this is doing to me?" He shook his head and began walking away again. "No, never again. I'm going back to the hospital. I need to go be with Cat! I'm never leaving her side AGAIN!"

With that, Beck stomped out of the school, leaving Lane in the dust.

Beck kept walking to his car and when he jumped in, he went to start the car before he saw his cell phone he had left in there had a text message. It was from Cat.

_-Hi, Beck! I wanted you to know that the doctors said they are going to let me go home tomorrow! Isn't that great? I get to go home and you're getting things off your chest finally with Lane! Everything is looking up for us, isn't it? I can't wait to hear how your session went. You're making me so proud of you, Beck. I know this is going to help you. I love you. I'll see you in a few hours. Tell Lane I said hi! Love, your babygirl-_

Beck groaned, slamming his head onto the back of the seat. "And she wins again." He grumbles as he slams the car door open and gets out again. He walked back into the school, afraid of what was going to happen next. He sighed when Lane was leaning against the wall where he had left him, looking to be wondering what to do next. Lane looked up at him in surprise that Beck was back. Beck said nothing, but handed Lane his cell phone with the text till on the screen.

Lane looked confused, but when he read the whole text that Cat had sent him, he chuckled before handing the phone back. "She's an angel, isn't' she?"

"Tell me something I don't know." Beck sighed as he stuck his phone back in his pocket. "Look…Lane, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Lane smiled. "Beck, don't think I'm not listening. I'm not just recording what you say and letting you vent. No, I have ears. I know you, I know Cat. I've seen you two grow up from your freshman year of high school. I've seen you both grow and shine. What happened with Cat sent this entire school for a spin, you know? Cat's never sick, but she suddenly collapsed in the cafeteria. We've never seen you show fear, but you were screaming and crying in that moment in time."

Beck looked to Lane after he said those words.

"It doesn't always have to be just Beck and Cat against the world." Lane said slowly. "You can depend on others. You have me to talk to, Sikowitz, Jade, Tori, Andre, and Robbie. You have teachers here who are willing to talk. Maybe even Helen will be nice enough to listen."

Beck raised an eyebrow at that last one.

"Okay, maybe not." Lane chuckled, as did Beck. "Just remember that you guys have people around to fall back on."

"Thanks." Beck nodded. "That…that actually helps…a lot."

"I'm not trying to use Cat against you." Lane told him. "I just don't want to see you both lose track on what's important. You have to stop cutting. Cat needs to start eating. It sounds simple, but it's not. This is a long road of recovery ahead for the both of you. You're going to need help. Let me help you first."

"Why can't you help Cat first?"

"Because Cat needs _you_, Beck."

Beck thought back. "Yeah…she really needed me _that_ day too."

_Beck was rocking back and forth in the front seat of Jade's truck. He would've driven down to the hospital, but obviously he wasn't in a good state to get behind the wheel of a car during the lunch hour rush across town. _

_Andre, Tori, and Robbie were in the backseat. _

_Jade was driving, her hands gripping the steering wheel with a white knuckled grip._

"_What's wrong with her?" Jade suddenly asked after a few minutes. _

"_Hypoglycemia." Beck simply answered. _

"_What's that?" Andre asked._

"_It's a certain type of diabetes that can get dangerous to your health if you don't eat correctly and sleep good. It's where your blood sugar get's too low. And that's kind of important to have and keep control of…" Robbie looked to Beck. "I've noticed Cat's weight loss."_

_Beck looked back to him, glaring. "Why didn't you say anything?"_

"_I asked her, but she said she wanted to lose a few pounds, so I shrugged it off." _

"_L-lose…l-lose a few pounds?" Beck stuttered. "How could you not see through that whopper of a lie, Rob? She has no weight to lose!" _

_Robbie turned away and stared out his window. _

_Tori was wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. "I hope Cat will be alright." _

_Andre nodded. "Me too. We need Lil' Red around."_

"_Damn right we do." Jade muttered. She pulled into the hospital parking lot, but saw it was full. "It looks like I'm going to have to park in the parking garage."_

_Beck took off his seatbelt. "Just pull up to the Emergency Room doors and I'll go check on what's going on."_

_Andre removed his seatbelt as well. "Me too." _

"_We'll keep Jade company." Tori motioned to Robbie and herself. _

"_Oh goodie." Jade rolled her eyes and then looked to Beck. "Make sure you get everything you can out of those stupid doctors."_

_Beck nodded. "I will." With that, he shut the door, rushing inside with Andre. They immediately walked through the glass double doors and saw how many people were in the waiting room. He went up to the receptionist, who looked exhausted and busy. "Excuse me."_

_The lady looked up. "Yes, can I help you?"_

"_My girlfriend was just brought in by ambulance." Beck said as calmly as he could._

"_Name?"_

"_Caterina Valentine." _

_The lady typed a few words on her computer and shook her head. "She must not be checked in yet. They did just bring a young lady in, so that's probably her. They'll put her in the system in a few minutes. Can you contact her parents for us though? We won't be allowed to let you see her or tell you any information until they are present." _

_Beck groaned. "Are you kidding me?" He nodded and Andre took him to lean against a wall, since there were no places to sit. He took out his phone and pressed Call for Cat's mother. _

_Andre put a hand on his shoulder. "She'll be alright, man."_

_Beck rubbed his lips together. "I pray she will."_

_Ring…ring…_

"_Hello?" Cat's mother's voice answered._

_Beck sighed. "Mrs. Valentine, it's Beck. Listen, we had to rush Cat to the ER because she hadn't been taking care of herself and stuff, so she collapsed at school."_

"_Oh, no! My poor baby! It's my fault! I haven't been refilling her prescription!" _

_Beck almost sighed in relief. So it wasn't his ENTIRE fault. _

"_Can you come down as soon as possible?" Beck asked in hope. "They refuse to tell me anything until you and Mr. Valentine are present."_

"_Oh, I'm sorry, Beck. You out of all people should know what's going on. Yes, we'll be there as soon as possible. I'll make sure to tell them to tell you everything when we're not there or even when we are there. You deserve to know, since you're such a caring, protective boyfriend to Cat."_

_Beck smiled. "Thanks for saying that, Mrs. Valentine."_

"So Cat's mother blamed herself?" Lane asked. "Wow…there was a lot of blame tossed around, wasn't there?"

"Yes, but her mom is very forgetful so it's understandable about the medication…I guess." Beck ran his hand through his hair. "Cat's parents are so protective of her, almost as much as I am. She's their little girl, you know? They love her so much and take such pride in her. She's everything to them. They support her through anything she wants to do."

"It sounds like Cat's life is perfect."

"It was…until her diabetes showed up and I started scaring her with my cutting." Beck sighed. "I ruined her wonderful lifestyle that she deserves every minute of every day."

"Did you see Cat?"

"Yes." Beck smiled. "I went in after Cat's parents. They wanted me to go in first, but I insisted they go first because I didn't want to be rushed visiting her…they understood because…they knew Cat and I needed to talk."

"So you two had a chance to talk that day?"

"Yes."

_Knock, knock_

_Cat looked towards the door. "Come in."_

_Beck walked in, with his hands in his pockets and looking to her, shyly. She smiled to him. _

_Her nose had oxygen tubes in them and an IV in her arm. Her skin was paler than usual and her eyes looked sunk in. _

_She giggled lightly as he took one of her hands into both of his. "Sorry I look horrible."_

_Beck couldn't believe she was her normal self after everything she went through that day. "Don't be sorry. You're always gorgeous."_

"_Thanks." Cat smiled. "But Beck…seriously, I am so sorry."_

_Beck tried not to cry. "Cat, why did you keep something so serious from me?"_

_Cat sighed. "Beck, like I said in the cafeteria…I couldn't chance telling you."_

"_So when did you find out you had hypoglycemia?" Beck asked, to get off the subject of whose fault it was._

_Cat bit her lip. "That's…not important."_

_Beck narrowed his eyes at her. "Cat, tell me. When did you find out?"_

_Cat gulped. "Um…that morning that I found you asleep in the RV…and I cleaned your arm."_

_Beck's eyes widened. "Oh my god…wait, wait, you came to my RV to tell me, didn't you?"_

_Cat sighed. "Yes." Beck tried to clench his fists, angry at himself for cutting in the first place, but Cat flinched. "Ow, ow, ow! Beck, easy on squeezing my hand!"_

_Beck raised an eyebrow, but realized her hand was still in his and loosened the grip. "Oops…sorry."_

"_It's okay." Cat smiled. "I know this is a lot to take in. Everything was sprung on you all in one day, which could be quite overwhelming."_

_Beck leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Cat…as long as you're alive and okay…I'm okay. I just need you around. Please, don't scare me like this again. The second you leave this hospital and come back home, I'm going to take good care of you, I promise. Nothing will get in the way of that either. You're never leaving my sight again…except for when you use the bathroom and we have to go to PE."_

_Cat giggled at the last part. _

"_But seriously, Cat…I love you so much." Beck kissed her hand. "I'd be so lost without you."_

"_Ditto to that." Cat smiled._

_Beck leaned down and pecked her lips._

"You'd think that things had gotten better after that, but…they didn't." Beck clenched his fists. "Things only went down the drain."

"How so?"

"The next day…I broke my promise, _again_, to Cat."

"How so?" Lane asked again, trying to get a straight answer from the teenager.

"I cut."

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**Yikes…**

**Xxxx4evaSummerxxxx, anon **_(Oh don't worry. I don't care all about reviews. I just need feedback, I need to know if most of you still like the story, if I'm doing things wrong, so everything is okay.), _**Glittergirl123, BooTheUnicorn, Soph xxx, LittleMissVictorious, Rising Flame 'O' Hell **_(…what?), _**MissTortilla, CubeFistMan, icarlyfanatic101, Chipy8910, angel-demon princess12, CourtsxBatFan, and VictoriousForever10: **Aw, thanks for all the reviews! I hope you guys know WHY I ask for a certain amount of reviews. I need to know if you guys like the story, how I'm doing with my story, and sometimes you guys throw something out in your reviews that I get an idea from. I get writer's block too, you know? Lol. Anywhoo, thanks for reviewing :) ONE CHAPTER LEFT!


	11. Pouring Crimson Regret and Betrayal

**Xxxx4evaSummerxxxx, xScreamingxAngelx, jinxcharm, Chipy8910, CubeFistMan, LittleMissVictorious, Angel-demon princess12, ec4lewis, Glittergirl123, Starlight151, VictoriousForever10, and CourtsxBatFan: **Thank you all for reviewing and for reviewing throughout the story too :) My new story will be out…sometime…in the future…near future though. Anyways, I liked this story too. One of my favorites :)

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**Tourniquet**

_**Digidestend Angel**_

**I do NOT own Victorious**

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**Chapter Eleven**

**Pouring Crimson Regret And Betrayal**

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_**How can you see into my eyes like open doors?  
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb  
Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold  
until you find it there and lead it back home – Bring Me Back To Life**_

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Lane took his keys out and opened his office door, letting Beck go in first and going in, locking the door behind him. Beck took his place on the couch, but this time, Lane turned off the recorder and grabbed the same notepad from the day before. He turned to a blank page. "Okay…what's happening next?"

"The day I seriously broke my promise to Cat for the second time- wait no, third time." Beck sighed. "I still feel so guilty, which I should."

"Let's go back to that moment in time, Beck."

"Actually, let's start at when I left the hospital." Beck said in deep thought.

_Beck laid with Cat on her hospital bed, his arm wrapped around her and she was relaxed on his chest in his protective hold on her. They were laughing at the American Idol auditions on the TV in front of them. Cat didn't appreciate the way they talked to the singers and non-singers, but it was still amusing half the time, so she gave in. _

_Around 5 o'clock though, Cat yawned. _

_Beck kissed her head. "I think that medicine the nurse gave you a half hour ago is finally kicking in." _

_Cat nodded, her eyes heavy. "Yes, it is. Is it okay if I take a nap?"_

"_Of course, babygirl." Beck went to remove his arm. _

_Cat stopped him. "Please stay." _

"_I'm not going anywhere." Beck told her to reassure her._

"_Promise?" _

"_I promise."_

"And that would be another promise I'd be breaking that night." Beck groaned. "I hated myself for breaking her heart…and just being a total idiot in general."

"So she fell asleep?" Lane asked, still writing things down.

Beck nodded. "Yes, she did."

"What happened that made you want to go home?"

Beck closed his eyes.

_Beck laid with Cat in his arms as the doctor came in. He gave him a weary smile. "She wouldn't let me go." Beck informed him._

_The doctor chuckled. "I'm guessing so. I'm just going to check her vitals really quick."_

"_Cool." Beck was glad he was on the other side, so Cat's IV and blood pressure cuff was on her other side. The doctor did what he was supposed to do and then sighed deeply. Beck gulped. "What's wrong? Is Cat okay?"_

"_Her blood pressure is very low." The doctor told him. "It's dangerously low."_

_Beck held Cat closer. _

"_Her heartbeat is irregular as well."_

_Beck tried to control his tears. "Is…is…um…well…is she going to die?"_

"_It could get life-threatening, yes, but I assure you, young man, that we will do everything possible to make sure that doesn't happen." The doctor told Beck in an effort to comfort the teenager. "I can promise you that much."_

_Beck just wanted the man to leave. "T-thank you."_

_The doctor nodded and left the room._

_Beck was feeling too many emotions all at one time, and what was worse was that these feelings were all not good ones. Depression, desperation, worry, sadness, guilt, anger, betrayed, pain, and so much more related to those. He had never felt this way before…_

_And he needed them gone._

_And fast too._

_Beck hated to do this to Cat, but maybe if he hid them good enough this time, he could keep his cuts from her sight._

_With that decision made, Beck spent a few minutes trying to free himself from Cat's tight grasp and put a pillow in his place. _

_He took his keys and looked back at Cat, admiring her peaceful, innocent expression as she slept, and forced himself to leave the room before he changed his mind._

"The drive home was absolutely dreadful and long." Beck told Lane. "It was the longest 10 minutes of my life."

"Beck, I don't understand." Lane leaned forward. "How could you want to cut yourself after that? The doctor said he would make sure Cat wasn't going to die."

"It wasn't enough for me." Beck answered, almost in defense. "The woman I loved more than anything in this stupid world could die. That was the only thing running through my mind. How was I supposed to live without Cat after seeing her every day all day for the past…11 years? It was unfathomable to me."

Lane stayed silent, staring at Beck with intensity.

Beck rubbed his lips together before answering. "She's my whole world, but I broke my promise to her and her trust in me."

"What happened?"

"I went home to my RV and brought out another razor, broke it, and instead of my arm, I figured to cut my upper leg. She'd never find them then. I hated being so secretive about it, especially towards Cat, but…I needed it."

"You needed it?"

"Yes." Beck clenched his fists together. "I needed to cut."

"I see…"

"I had cut my leg maybe 4-5 times in that 30 minutes I was gone from the hospital. Right after I finished cutting, I drove right back and want into Cat's room." Beck explained. "I acted casual. Nothing was wrong, you know?"

"But?"

"But Cat was awake when I walked in." Beck released a tear from his eye and it rolled down his cheek. "She saw right through my charade."

_Beck walked into Cat's hospital room with a grin as he saw her awake and sitting up. She stared at him. "Look at you, miss sleepy-"_

_Cat frowned, making him shut up. "How could you?" She whispered. _

_Beck froze in his tracks. _

_Cat glared at him. "I can see it in your eyes, Beck." She practically said with venom. "How could you betray me AGAIN? Break your promise to me? Why do you KEEP hurting me like this? Did I do something wrong?"_

"_Cat, stop!" Beck snapped. "I…I had to, okay?" _

_Cat stared at him in disbelief. "Oh? You HAD to, huh?"_

"_Yes!" Beck practically snarled back. "I'm so overwhelmed right now! Seeing you in this hospital bed, because you didn't tell me about your diabetes and you didn't take care of yourself like you should've, so you ended up here…God, IT HURTS! I needed something to get rid of my pain!"_

_Suddenly, Cat did something that made his heart almost stop._

_She reached for her IV and ripped it out, making blood go everywhere and she threw it to the ground._

_Beck was in shock. "Cat, what the HELL are you doing?" He ran up to stop the bleeding, but she pushed him away. "Cat!" _

"_If it hurts you to see me in this hospital bed, then FINE! I won't stay here any longer!" She screamed in anger as she tore off her blood pressure cuff. "I'm so sick and tired of you cutting AND breaking all your promises!"_

"_Cat, stop!" Beck tried to stop her again, but she slapped his hands away. "Cat!" _

_Cat rips the oxygen tubes from her nose and off her ears, throwing them to the side with the IV. She was breathing heavily, the stress and anxiety of the current situation getting to her._

_Beck let his tears fall. "Cat, please, stop!" _

_Cat ripped the blankets off her and swung her legs over the edge, her heart racing and her breath getting rough suddenly. "No…let's go home." Her voice went weaker. _

_When she jumped down, she immediately collapsed into Beck's arms and they fell to the ground together. Beck was on his knees and Cat was against his chest, sobbing violently. Beck held her close to him as he screamed. "HELP! HELP! SOMEONE! HELP ME! HELP! WE NEED HELP IN HERE!" He kept screaming until finally the doctor and a few nurses rushed in. "She ripped her IV and oxygen tube out! She was having a panic attack! Help her! Save her!" Beck continued to yell. _

"_Set her back on the bed." The doctor ordered as Beck did so. "We need you to leave the room." _

_Beck's eyes widened. "No, no, please, no! She needs me here! Please, don't make me leave her!" _

"_I'm sorry, son, but you'll see her after." The doctor told him gently and nodded to the male nurse to take Beck out. _

_Beck struggled at first, but realized he lost this battle. _

"It wasn't a panic attack." Beck mumbled, but Lane heard him. "She had a mini-heart attack."

Lane winced. "Really? That's awful."

"You're telling me…" Beck sighed. "Could you imagine how I would've felt if she had died?" Beck asked out loud. "I mean…I was the reason that episode of hers happened in the first place."

"Beck, you know how much Cat loves and cares about you." Lane started. "She knows you so well, that she saw right through you went you walked through that doorway to her room. She knew you cut. She wasn't angry at you, Beck…she was angry towards herself that SHE let it happen. It's obvious it isn't anybody's fault, but that's how people are. They blame themselves for the ones they love's pain and heartache."

"I tried to convince her afterwards that nothing was her fault and it was stupid of me to cut again." Beck admitted. "She stayed quiet for the rest of that night. The silence was absolutely painful. No one is used to Cat being quiet for more than 2 minutes when she's awake."

"True statement." Lane chuckled. "Anyways, Beck…what was your guys' next move?"

_Beck sat on the side of Cat's hospital bed, holding her hand close. She had those oxygen tubes back in her nose, while her IV was on the other arm now because they didn't want to upset her other arm again. She had wires on her chest that hooked up to a machine that checks her heart rate and blood pressure constantly. _

_She earned herself another few days in the hospital._

_She played with his hands a little absentmindedly. _

_He watched as she did. _

"_Beck…"_

_His head snapped up to look at her, but her attention was still on their connected hands. "Yes, Cat?"_

_Cat gulped and looked up to him, staring deep into his eyes. "Can you do me a favor?"_

"_Anything."_

"_Can you…talk to someone?" Beck gave her a questioning look, so she elaborated. "Can you make an appointment with a professional counselor or therapist?"_

_Beck looked taken aback. "What?"_

_Cat nodded. "Please? I'd feel so much better if you talk to someone. Just once, you know? Just to get everything off your chest. Obviously talking to me doesn't help anymore. You don't want to confide in your parents or our friends. You need someone to vent to though."_

_Beck sighed deeply. "Okay, but who would I go to without it costing an arm and a leg?"_

_Cat thought about it. "How about Lane?"_

"And then I picked up the phone…and here we are." Beck sort of smiled to Lane. "And I'm glad I listened to Cat."

Lane looked surprised at Beck's comment. "Really?"

"Yes." Beck nodded. "Cat was so right. I needed to talk about everything. I needed to put things in perspective for myself."

"And for you to keep doing that when you have the urge to cut…" Lane held up the notebook and recorder. "I'm going to work on these. I'm going to type up everything and after I'm done, I'll give you both one copy to read together. I'm serious. Read together. It'll help a lot more if you do. This is going to save your relationship, Beck. What's been happening this past month, I can tell has put a large strain and distance between the two of you and your love for one another. Sometimes…love isn't enough."

"I see that." Beck frowned.

"It's a sad reality, but it's true." Lane sighed. "Beck…go back to Cat, be with her, take her home tomorrow, and love her. This is now a second chance to make everything right."

"It is, isn't it?" Beck smiled slowly. "Thank you so much, Lane."

Lane gave a nod. "You're certainly welcome. You can come in anytime, Beck. My door will always be open to you."

"That's good to know." The two men stood up and shook hands. "Thanks again. You…you saved my life by helping us save our relationship. I'm in debt to you. Forever." Beck told the older man.

Lane nodded and Beck let himself out. He sighed and sat back down in his seat. He rolled up his sleeves and ran his fingers gently on his arm, where faded, white lines were everywhere and scarred permanently.

Lane closed his eyes.

If only he had the opportunity like Beck.

If only…

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**-THE END-**

**(No Sequel)**


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